Jun 22, 2008

Seven Reasons Why You Would Not Want Me As Your Girlfriend!

Scribbled by Perky |

So I got tagged by Aziya to do this some time ago. This is probably the second tag I've ever done since starting my blog in 2005 (?). The first tag was Transmission8's Most Eligible Bachelor, which was super fun to do and I've been kicking myself in the ass (not literally though, coz that's quite impossible to do with my treetrunks for legs) for not doing more tags in the first place. Perhaps I should just write me-me's and answer questionnaires all day long.

As you can see, I'm kinda beating around the bush here. It's hard for me to actually get to the point of this post/tag coz I'm waiting for inspiration to come.

Wait for it....
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No, seriously, wait for it.....
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Aaah, finally it's here.

SEVEN REASONS WHY YOU WOULD NOT WANT ME AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND
(and let's all pray that McChef doesn't read this otherwise he might "get ideas")

Reason No.1: I Will Blow You Off to Watch TV or Play Video Games
I love my idiot box. Period. Until I get my 3 hours of tv time, don't expect me to attend to your needs. Do not interrupt me while I'm trying to figure out what is the square root of 16 on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader". Do not interrupt me while I'm shooting zombies. Do not talk to me while I'm yelling at the referee for awarding that penalty kick to Arsenal. Do not ask me to make you milo peng while Federer's serving for match point.

My daily fix...



You are only allowed to speak to me during the 30second commercial breaks. Should you need more than that allocated time to speak, then we will have to continue the conversation during the next commercial break.


Reason No.2: I'm Impulsive
Some people are planners. Well, I'm not some people. I pretty much do whatever my gut tells me to do. And since my gut is pretty much out of whack most times, the things I do or about to do is pretty much borderline crazy.

Some guys can't take impulsive girls like me.

Perky: Darling, I need to go shopping. Like, right now.
Guy: What? Now? But it's 5 in the morning!
Perky: Yeah I know. Find me a shop that's open. right. now.

Oh, and there's also that thing where I just go AWOL on the guy and come back with a totally new boyfriend.


Reason No.3: I Will Blow You Off to Blog
When inspiration comes, it comes. I just need to let it all out before it vanishes into thin air (or somewhere in my empty head). Sometimes I'll be bombarded with stuff to write that I'll actually write them all at once and schedule the dates to publish them (which would explain the frequent blogging in May).

And now that I'm learning to make money from blogging, you can bet there'll be more blogging-time than us-time.


Reason No.4: I've Got Multiple Personality Disorder
No, I don't really have that. But I just thought I'd give PMS a new name. One moment I'm the girl-next-door and just like that *snaps finger*, I'm the b*tch from hell. Then there are times when I'm not actually PMS-ing but I'm still that b*tch from hell. I think I'm just cranky when I'm hungry, which unfortunately is pretty much most of the time.


Reason No.5: I'm Expensive to Maintain
There are guys out there who think twice or twenty-four times before they decide whether or not they should eat a good meal simply because of the price. If it's more than RM5 for that plate of chicken rice, then they'd rather eat sardin sandwich (which is actually 2 slices of bread and plain sardin in between but you can get it at RM3.20).

So if you are always keeping track of how much you need to spend on food for yourself, you definitely do not want me as a girlfriend. I eat all the time - 5 meals a day and snacks in between. And I enjoy food, like seriously, a lot. So if there's a new restaurant or a famous dish to try, you can bet your ass I'll be there. Eating makes me happy. And you know what will make me happier? If someone else pays for my meal.


Reason No.6: I've Got CRS and SAS Disorder
The girlfriend has many functions - nag at you, love you, adore you, if you're super nice she'll worship you, play surrogate mother to you, pick up your mess, give you pleasurable joy and also a girlfriend is considered to be a witness to your life.

A girlfriend is someone who'll remember you and also she's someone who'll cherish the moments that you go through in you life.

But I can tell you first hand that I will most definitely fail you even if I tried. I suffer from 2 types of disorder that makes me a really lousy girlfriend: Cant Remember Shit (CRS) and Short Attention Span (SAS). Most people suffer one or the other, but in my case it's bad. Baaaaad. I have the memory of Dory (that character voiced by Ellen DeGeneres in Finding Nemo) and also I have the attention span of a 5 year old on speed. Who knows, maybe when I wake up the next day I won't even know who you are.


Reason No.7: I Can't Cook for Nuts
3 and a half hours for me to cook chicken nuggets and mash potatoes. I think that pretty much says it all.

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Apr 13, 2008

Transmission8's Most Eligible Bachelorette

Scribbled by Perky |

So I got tagged by Sam to do this Cleo’s Most Eligible Bachelor sorta thingy. Mind you, I don’t usually do Q-&-A’s because it’s rather pointless since the answers I’ll be giving you are mostly facts made up in my head.

On top of that, I’m not exactly a Bachelorette, being practically married to McChef and all. But since I am just an alter ego of a girl who can’t even tie her own shoelace, I guess I can play along.

So since I like Sam a lot, I thought I’d give this one an exception. Afterall, he ever so nicely tagged me as Perky Nipples. And how can I let him down after such ‘compliments’.

Sorry, I couldn't put up a proper profile pic as I have a huge hernia on my forehead. You see, you can always cover-up a zit or a scar with concealer, but a full blown hernia, on your face, not even the best makeup in the world can cover that one up.


BACHELORETTE NO. : 1


NAME : Perky Fab U Lus


OCCUPATION : Event Organizer Extraordinare


AGE : Forever 21


ZODIAC : Sagitarius


FAVE HANGOUT : The best place to be in KL called The Couch. You can hang out there for free, you don't need to bother with pesky crowd and there's no need to worry about traffic jams. If I’m not there, then I can most likely be found wandering around aimlessly at The Curve, trying desperately not to succumb to the pressures of capitalism otherwise known as shopping.


TALENT : Good at burning stuff, food mostly. Oh, bumping into things, falling down a flight of stairs, tripping over invisible objects. It takes LOADS of talent to maintain fabulousity when you're falling down and the embarassment after that. And I can also change clothes, apply makeup and talk on the phone while driving.

Three things you can’t live without?
Music, handphone and food. Music is for therapeutic purposes, good for my soul, keeps my sanity level checked. Handphone is so that I stay connected with the living, and it’s how I run my mega empire business. And food is what keeps my body running. But more importantly, food is what stops me from being cranky and wanting to stab a spoon into that guy’s eyes for checking me out for the past 10 minutes.


What is the sweetest thing a girl / guy has done for you?
I have to hand this down to McChef because really, he’s done the sweetest things (not in a sissy kinda way, of course… coz you know, he’s all macho and all that - I don't wanna get into trouble for calling him a wimp ;) ). And just when I think that it can’t get any sweeter than that, he would just come up with something that would just take my breath away completely.


He would make me the most romantic candlelight dinner in his room, or send me flowers.


He’s even bought me life insurance which he’s paying for.


Since we're living in different states, he’d fly just to see me. Oh, and let’s not forget the time when he got up in the middle of the night just so he can cook for his super hungry bitch.


I honestly don’t know what is the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me. But I do know I have the sweetest guy :)

The most daredevil thing I’ve ever done is...
Dancing on table tops? Nah, that’s not it. Riding the rollercoaster 5 times in a row? Nah, that’s not it either. Skinny dipping with my girlfriends in the middle of the freezing night? That could possibly be it.


What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve outgrown?
Boozing and partying 24/7. At first it was fun, up to the point I started doing it excessively. When your friend, the guy who chugs down 2 bottles of vodka a day, tells you that you should stop, that just shows how fucked you are.

Your biggest mistake is...
Not listening to my gut feeling when it was clearly screaming at me,”Get out of this relationship coz this guy is the lowest form of maggot-infested shit.”

Which actor would play you in a movie about your life?
Renee Zelleweger. I think she can brilliantly switch from neurotic and psychotic to sweet and bubbly just like that *snaps fingers*. And that's a very crucial trait to have as I'm like that in real life. Also, Renee is the only actress I know that will put on the pounds for a role. So, to play me, she will definitely need to pack on the pounds especially in the thigh region.

Why do women / men...
Why do women fight to be treated equally as men, and yet will shamelessly bitch when men don’t open doors for them or don’t pick up the tab anymore?

If you were a product, how would your advertising campaign read?
Saying it as it is.

And to the people I tag: Whoever's up for the challenge! :) Just leave a comment stating you've done this meme and I'll come check it out.



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