May 18, 2008

What Do I Get For The Man Who Already Has Me?

Scribbled by Perky |

McChef's birthday is just around the corner and I have yet to find any below RM20 gift I can buy for him crack my brains as to what presents I should get for him. I mean, as the title suggests, I thought that now that I've been suckered to spend the rest of my life with this man we're partners til death do us part, what more can he possibly want right?

I'm at a real disadvantage here. Not only am I forgetful and a big time procrastinator, but also I'm in my cheapskado season as I'm already spending a bomb for the renovation works on my bathroom as well as trying to save moolah for Queen's We Will Rock You Musical in Bangkok this coming July (yes, I'm going to watch the musical AGAIN).

Recently I've been getting an earful of complaints from McChef. Ever since I started working at my current company, I've been overloaded with so much work. I admit, my social life is in a state of coma now that I get off work much later than usual. So I'm tired and all I want to do is sleep, but if this goes on, I could very well kill my relationship with my man.

So, to make up for it, I'm going to buy my way out of it get a present that will solve his complaints.

Complaint #1: You Don't Wear Sexy Lingerie Anymore
To those who know the both of us in real life, you all know just how strict McChef is with how I dress in public. If he had it his way I'd be covered from head to toe. But behind closed doors, he loves it when I relive my good old skanky whore days wear sexy lingerie for him.

I'm very particular with the lingerie that I wear. There's no way in skanky hell that I will be caught dead wearing a lingerie that was sold at a RM10-for-3 store. I can live dressing up like Plain Jane, but my obsession with lingerie does not permit me to wear cheapskado ones.

These days I've stopped wearing lingerie. It's not because I don't like them anymore, it's just that it takes time and energy to put them on (only to have them taken off in 5 minutes). And when you do put them on, you must also remember that there are certain areas that you need to trim first coz you know, you don't wanna look like Scary Bush when you lift your arms (or your legs). So yeah, it's hard to look sexy when you're dead tired from work.

Did I mention I'm broke as well? So that means I can't buy lingerie from my fav store Blush! But I do have a solution. It shouldn't cost more than RM20, I think.

What in skank hell is this, you ask?











Well, it's nipple petals. This should keep him amused for the next 3 days or so.

Complaint #2: You Don't Give Me Striptease Anymore
I strongly believe that every girl/sistah should give their partner a striptease once a week AT LEAST. You need to keep the spice up in your relationship. I mean, the guy's seen your entire body, so you need to change the way you present your body to him so that he'll stay entertained (otherwise he might not bother to come home or use the "go out for drinks with buddies" excuse just so he can score some chics start looking for "other" sorts of entertainment).

Now, I don't wanna brag but I gotta say I give the best striptease. Period. Sorry, I can't upload any videos for you to see, so you're just gonna take my word for it. Heck, I can even do the oompa loompa dance and it'll get him turned on in 3.3 seconds. The secret to doing a good striptease is CAWNFIDENCE.

We recently watched the movie Step Up 2 and there was this one scene where the girl was doing this (scroll forward to the 1m 47s scene):

I could tell how much he enjoyed watching that one particular scene as he kept watching it over and over and over again. So I will learn this move for him. Oh, this is so gonna keep his eyes on my bum-bum-bum-bum-bum and hopefully he can handle my gadong-a-dong-dong.

Complaint #3: You Don't Give Me Massages Anymore
McChef loves to be pampered like a girl massages. I don't blame him for being addicted to my massages.
But giving massages requires tonnes of energy, especially if you have small hands like I do. And he wants long massages. There have been times when I fell asleep giving him massages coz he keeps wanting more. Did I mention I have small hands?

Anyways, I've already come up with a solution for this one:

It's a massage hand tool and it doesn't cost a bomb. I could even buy these in pairs. This way I don't have to work my hands to massage him. I could just press this on his back. Oh, I'm such a genius!

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15 Your say:

lyana said...

all hail the Queen now. :)

I have a USB powered massager which I got free from a scientific conference mind you! (yes, it's supposed to help relive stress when you're writing your *ahem* thesis). But so malu lah coz it looks like a stunted vibrator! boleh?

Instead of the "nipple petals" you can get the glittery nipple stars akak Janet Jackson wore?

just my dua puluh sen- and yes, I have tonnes of work but na-da motivation hence blog hopping too.

Perky said...

Hmm... what have you been using the "stunted vibrator" for huh?? ;)

I'm so bored. Kena loner bloner (no one's in town!). I've never blogged this much before! *sigh* I need to get new sets of friends ;)

savante said...

Nipple petals? What does it do? Do your nipples feel like a flowering blossom? :O

boku-wa-kuma said...

wahh... sungguh rajin hapdet blog almost everyday gituew... i knew u r bored tahap cipan... soo chamm ;)

i second lyana... u shud get the jackson's infamous glittery nipple tau... in case of emergency or self defense, u can use it a weapon... just like the samurai tu lah... hehehehe ;)


Wan Leonardo said...

omg! haha, are those the only stuff that youre gonna get? yikes!

Perky said...

I have no idea what nipple petals do.. but I guess it's a replacement for bras. I thought it looks interesting though hehehe...

OMFG I'm so bored. Tak pernah aku main internet berjam2 okeh. Mama Diva balik penang, and pondan keji satu lagi tu kat melaka. I'm so bored!

Nipple petals as weapon? Aiyoyo better not. Nanti I terpotong my own nipples how? :P

Wan Leonardo:
It's what you do with it that matters hun! ;)

budleee said...

heloo it me again..

hmm you are right, you better shave you cha cha before your shake your gadong a dong dong.

ok this blog has crack me up high, with out using real crack. anyways i adding you to my nerdy, geeky, filled with dead mice (you want some for your cat?). beside your blogging style reminded me of another girl blogger, with a nice sticker ladded satria neo.

apples said...

Don't you go all "I'm the girl so I should do anything and everything for him" now. Doesn't sound like you but the "strip for him at least once a week or it's perfectly acceptable, in fact it's expected, that he goes out to 'score some chicks'"-comment got me worried...

Then again, I too am trying to be nicer to my bf - I tend to be all defensive and I've realized there's a fine line between assertive and bitchy :P

Anonymous said...

lingerie turns me on all the time... love everything that u plan to sure mcchef would appreciate them very much...
btw, what would women really love for their b'day?

wEn said...

OMG another lingerie lover! We can be the best of friends! Hail sista! Striptease is a must :D I say it's so much fun eh? KINKY!

Perky said...

That's so sweet of you! :) I just love making new friends :)

Thanks but no thanks 4 the dead mice. My cats are so spoilt that they don't eat "real" food (yeap, only eats processed dried food aka Friskies).. which is good coz I could be eating kfc & they wouldn't even give a hootch hahaha :)

Actually, that line that got u worried was meant 4 some1 I know, who's partner cheats on her on a daily basis (he cites the "i'm just bored" excuse - asshole, i know). I know their prob is none of my biz but I just hate cheaters. Period.

Well he'd better be! :) Afterall I'm gonna stick petals on my nipples for crying out loud! lol!

I can't speak 4 all women, but I would love to have gigolo men pole dance 4 me ;)


But seriously speaking, 4 me 4 my bd, I just want a mini holiday/honeymoon. I'd really appreciate it if we'd take time off from our busy schedules & spend good quality alone time w each other coz that's quite rare these days.

Trust me, girl, if I could walk around in lingerie all day I would! Lingerie & a 5-inch stilletto heels ;)

Wacoal's quality has dropped over the years. I think for the price they're charging u, it's not worth it 2 spend on Wacoal. Plus, their lingerie selection is quite boring lah! Too conservative for my liking ;)

Girl, see-through lingerie is much more expensive than the normal ones. Trust me on that! lol!

I dah tak boleh demand dah coz he just gives w/o me having 2 ask him. If got time, u baca balik my previous entries about him, you'll see that he's the romantic sweet one in the relationship. You might even kesian him 4 being with a tyrant like me muahahaha!

wEn said...

Glad you said 5-inch stilletto heels and not 5-inch "Fuck Me Boots"! But then again looking like a Beech at times can be fun too. Personally I kinda like La Senza. Would've gone for Xixili but they are just too fxcking expensive...Oops! too much swearing in 1 comment

Perky said...

Do they have Fuck Me Boots here?? OOOOH I WANNNNNNNNNN!!! ;)

Girl, u can cuss all u want. My mouth is much more vulgar than tat ;)

mlle linie said...

u know ur post reminds me of certain things i do for mr banker.. lol.

keep it up girlie! ur mc chef is one lucky man!

::airswift:: said...

nipple petals?
hihihi... macam little mermaid like that.