May 20, 2008

A Conversation with An Ex-Smoker

Scribbled by Perky |

Crazy Mofo and I had this conversation a while back about our views on quitting the disgusting habit. Smoking had been our staple diet for so long but we did know that in the long run, if we wanted to live a long healthy life, it'd be wise to quit sooner than later.


Crazy Mofo: I'm impressed. You actually managed to give up smoking entirely. Here I am, puffing away, and there you are, not even tempted to take a fag.


Perky: I've gone cold turkey on cigarettes. I just hate it now - the smoke, the smell, the taste, even you my dear old friend, I don't quite like you right now.

Crazy Mofo: I don't know how you pulled it off. You were 1 very serious smoker.


Perky: It's disgusting. The way I feel about cigs now is the exact same way I feel about a certain ex - just complete disgust. Just the mere sight of him makes me sick.


Cancer pool, anyone?


Crazy Mofo: Well, you know, since you put it that way, then I guess smoking to me is like screwing with whores.


Perky: Huh? You mean whores are like cigarettes to you? Didn't know you can get them in packs...



Crazy Mofo: Well, yeah. It feeds on the same kind of addiction. If I was in China, I'd do them. If I was in Thailand, I'd do 3 at a time. And don't get me started with them European chics. As long as I satisfy my need, I'm good. I'd be able to function as a normal human being.

Perky: Okay, so you need to screw hookers just as much as you need to light up. But I don't get how smoking can have the same consequences with screwing whores.


Crazy Mofo: With hookers, as good as she may be, as adventurous as she wants to go, I don't know how clean she is. I just don't know which whore's gonna give me STD, HIV or worst, she could get pregnant with my bastard. It's the same with cigarettes - I just wouldn't know if this stick that I'm smoking now will be the one to give me cancer or the next stick.

Perky: Well, why don't you just quit on both of them? You don't have to play russian roulette with your life, you know.



Crazy Mofo: I can't. Perky, haven't you been listening? I need them both to function as a normal human being. My lungs need to feed and so does my cock.

Perky: Then get a girlfriend. A steady one, not the one-night stands kind.

Crazy Mofo: You know I've already tried that road and what a "success" that's been. It's not just my eyes that wander, but it's also my cock. What can I say? I just love women.

Perky: Erm okay.

*

*

*

* (having the urge to call him &^#^$ and *@&#^&#*, oh and ^#&*@&^#^&^#&^@*&)

*

*


Perky: I've never done a whore before.

Crazy Mofo: Well, good for you, sweetie.


*

*

* (trying real hard to not call him names)

*

*

*

Perky: Pls include me in your will. I'd love to inherit some of your millions since you're not gonna be around long enough to waste them.


Crazy Mofo: You were about to call me something nasty, weren't you?


Perky: Yeah. But I figured it'd be wiser for me to try and get a chunk of money from you instead of getting the short-lived high from calling you names.


Crazy Mofo: Thanks, love. *leans over to give me a tight hug*


Perky: What's that for?


Crazy Mofo: For not judging me so harshly.


Perky: Oh shut up, you pussy addict you...

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12 Your say:

lyana said...

ah well..we all have one addiction or another. mine's coffee and chocolate.

and can we please harpoon this guy and throw pieces of him to the sharks? *okay, am judging harshly here......*

Perky said...

Lol! Oh he gets it bad from me all the time. I'd feed him to the sharks myself but he's got a way with the ladies that it's just hard to stay mad at him. Plus, he's real eye candy too :)~~~

He may b a real heartbreaker with his women but he's 1 of my most loyal friends :)

budleee said...

whoa talk about will power..

will power not to smoke and will power not to swear at him..

hmm no face of him ei.. so its easy for the ladies to feed him to the sharks, what if the ladies saw his face (you claimed he is good looking enough to eat = eye candy) maybe they jump in with the sharks with him??

mlle linie said...

eiii isnt he worried at all getting STDs etc? i guess some people just love deadly thrills..

sad sad case..

btw perk, im glad u quit! u can geng with mr banker lah... the brain is the strongest weapon pun..

Perky said...

Budlee:
It took me years to finally quit 100%. I had many relapses in the past, so i hope this time around I won't fall back into my old habit *fingers crossed*

Hehhehe.. i don't put up any1's face pic on my blog (which is y everyone's got nicknames.

The ladies know what a womanizer he is but they still choose to be with him. So i think they wouldn't even think twice about jumping in with the sharks with him ;)

Mlle Linie:
He gets checked twice a year (yeah like as if that's any consolation rite hahaha).

Yeah i'm glad i quit too! :)

Aziya said...

I guess he wouldn't quit smoking / spanking for the rest of his life after all... Oh humanity

The bonus is... he's a real eye candy (as you claiming him.. hehehe)... how many women has an eye for him ??? *LOL*


*seeking for great white shark to throw*

Sam said...

Yes, the inheritance makes all the difference. :P

Anonymous said...

I can't believe u wrote abt our conversation. hehehe. I feel like a rockstar now ;)
Hoi! m in town. let's meet up lah.

Alex.

Nick Phillips said...

Well, I think smoking ain't cool. Glad you quit 100%. Kudos to you ...

savante said...

Nothing wrong with a lil addiction :)

Perky said...

Aziya:
I guess too many have fallen for him, including myself but that was years ago ;)

Sam:
Exactly! ;)

Alex:
Cool! Just holler :)

Nick Phillips:
Thank you :)

It wasn't easy but am so glad that I can now sit down on the couch & not have anxiety attacks like "shit, where's my cigs?" or "damnit, where did i put that lighter" or "ashtray! ashtray!!" It's nice 2 just be able to sit down peacefully :)

Savante:
Hmm.. I wonder which is the lil addiction? The ladies or the cigs? ;)

::airswift:: said...

it's quite interesting to know people who are totally different than you.