Jan 12, 2009

Fan Mail: Dating Tips

Scribbled by Perky |

My very first Q-n-A email sent from a fan. I was pleasantly surprised to receive such an email in my inbox :)

"Hi. I've been reading your blog since 2007 and I've been thoroughly entertained. Ms Perky, I got a question for you.

You were quite a serial dater before settling with your current beau. Got any dating tips to share?

Social B."

Gee, me a serial dater?? Hahaha! I've never seen myself that way. I'd much rather call it actively dating. Being called a serial dater makes me sound like a predator ;)

I'm not sure if the following qualifies as dating tips but they're some of the things that had worked for me:

Dating Tip #1: Have No Expectations
If you're making wedding plans in your head after 5 minutes of meeting the guy, you need to stop and reconfigure your brain.
If you're comparing him to your ex, again you need to stop. The reason you're dating again is so that you can meet someone new and start a new chapter in your life.

Don't build the guy up, don't crown him your prince charming (at least not on the 1st date). Maybe the only expectation you should have for the guy is that he should at least pay for the date. Other than that, just keep an open mind on the guy.

Dating Tip #2: Don't Be Stupid
You must always exercise caution when going on dates especially if you don't know the guy well. If you're meeting him for drinks, never ever leave your drink unattended. Get your own drink, don't give him the chance to slip in something nasty into your drink.

Make sure someone knows who you're seeing and where. Even better, go on double dates. Another thing that I always do when I'm dating someone new is I always choose to drive myself to our date place and meet him there. I don't trust him enough (yet) to let him know where I live, plus I always want the option to be able to leave whenever I want to.

Dating Tip #3: Who Says It Has to be Exclusive?
When I was actively dating, I would date up to 5 guys in a week. Who says you gotta date just one guy at a time? If you're not ready to commit to a relationship, I say casually date as many guys as you can handle want at a time.

Some of my gfs have a hard time with this one because they say it's similar to cheating. Look, it's not cheating. It's not because you're not in an exclusive relationship. Dating a few guys at the same time means you don't have to waste time looking (or waiting or hoping).

For instance, my Friday nights were never short of dates because if my first option couldn't make it, I just move on to the next guy. Can you imagine just dating one guy? If he can't make it for the date, that means 1 day gone. Remember 2 things: life is short and dating should be fun. So go out and explore your options :)

If you have questions or if there are certain issues that you want me to discuss on my blog, feel free to email me at perky@perkierthanyou.com.

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17 Your say:

JD Cole said...

any tips for the queer dating scenes? ;P

Twilight Zone said...

I got scared many times over some emails too from strangers. You as serial dater since 2007 is okay lah. They think I am a witch doctor since july 2008. OMG!

Twilight Zone said...

Ahhh one more comment. I never get tired looking at your unique & lovely blog banner (patting froggie's head)

budleee said...

you go girl!!! :D

now you are one indipendent women :D, i do agree, the only time you want to stick with one person is when you know you both like each other :D.

i think straight/gay/bi/confused would go benefit from this advice

its just dating.. you are not getting married, so no harm, since dating is just getting to know each other :D

sheng said...

Serial dater... hmmm, sounds like serial killer or the likes... but you have such nice dating tips...

lyana said...

oh yay! thanks for this lydd. :)

Sam said...

Unfortunately securing gay dates for every Friday isn't quite exactly easy for the gay man. ;)

Fable Frog said...

LOL the "serial dater" bit is too funny~ like a serial raper or a serial murderer~ hmmm on second thought, kinda' cool title no? Perky the ex serial dater! wah! larikk!

Oh and to twilight~! i didn't make the banner lah~ Perky spent countless hours working on that banner ~ not me! hahaha

*Anton* said...

The way I'm going, getting my drink spiked and waking up naked and used is at least getting something, even if I don't get to feel it. lolz

Sounds so darned wrong , rite?


Tough Girl 101 said...

hmm, these aren't bad at all!!!! I definitely agree with the "exclusive" part. That definitely is a big deal.

savante said...

Our new Carrie! :)

apples said...

Hey, congrats on the first Q-n-A fan mail :P

Good tips, but I gotta agree with your gfs on that last one - I wouldn't want to be just one out of five (or more!) for a guy, therefore I can't do it to him.

- what's your advice if the guys all find out about each other?

Nick Phillips said...

Gee and all I get is emails telling me I've won millions upon millions of dollars! LOL!

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Perky, Holy Smoke! You dated 5 guys in a week? Outstanding! First time I hear that too, ha ha.
Yes, nothing like checking out and having fun...
You keep well, best regards, Lee.

yamuna, yogini said...

Dating - Meeting up with people. So, can be more than one person. Way to go, live life to the fullest.

Perky said...

JD Cole:
hehehee... I wish I do but it's kinda hard to give tips when I've never been in the queer dating scenes ;)

Twilight Zone:
Witch doctor is so much cooler than being called serial dater k ;P

p/s: It's my head that you need to pat okeh ;)

Exactly. Dating should be fun and you shouldn't deprive yourself of getting to know the kinds of ppl out there :)

Yeah it does have a funny ring to it, doesn't it? hehehe... but hey at least i only broke hearts, not kill anyone.

You're welcome babes! :D

At least in m'sia it's like that. sad huh?

Fable Frog:
Hey at least i no longer the serial dater mah. Sudah bahagia :)

*Gasp!* I hope for your sake you're joking, darling. I ketuk your kepala if you treat yourself like that :P

Hehehe not sure if I qualify though!

Perky said...

When dating several guys at the same time, try to avoid going to your usual hangouts or the same places. Or better yet, date guys who don't know each other.

For me though, I've always been upfront that i'm exploring and dont want to be tied down to anything serious. keep it casual, so to speak. the guys i've dated, though they don't like my idea of dating, but they're mostly cool with it coz i've always maintained that I dont sleep with anyone of them :)

Nick Philips:
Lol! I pulak get all those body slimming emails from time to time. kinda feels like someone's trying to tell me something ;)

Uncle Lee:
Hehehe... I was determined to live life as crazy as I could. My dad tells me I'm too adventurous. But it's better to have lived like that than to go thru it as mid-life crisis ;)

Yamuna, Yogini:
Yeap, dating is all about having fun :)

Thanks for dropping by!