Jun 22, 2008

Seven Reasons Why You Would Not Want Me As Your Girlfriend!

Scribbled by Perky |

So I got tagged by Aziya to do this some time ago. This is probably the second tag I've ever done since starting my blog in 2005 (?). The first tag was Transmission8's Most Eligible Bachelor, which was super fun to do and I've been kicking myself in the ass (not literally though, coz that's quite impossible to do with my treetrunks for legs) for not doing more tags in the first place. Perhaps I should just write me-me's and answer questionnaires all day long.

As you can see, I'm kinda beating around the bush here. It's hard for me to actually get to the point of this post/tag coz I'm waiting for inspiration to come.

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No, seriously, wait for it.....
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Aaah, finally it's here.

SEVEN REASONS WHY YOU WOULD NOT WANT ME AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND
(and let's all pray that McChef doesn't read this otherwise he might "get ideas")

Reason No.1: I Will Blow You Off to Watch TV or Play Video Games
I love my idiot box. Period. Until I get my 3 hours of tv time, don't expect me to attend to your needs. Do not interrupt me while I'm trying to figure out what is the square root of 16 on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader". Do not interrupt me while I'm shooting zombies. Do not talk to me while I'm yelling at the referee for awarding that penalty kick to Arsenal. Do not ask me to make you milo peng while Federer's serving for match point.

My daily fix...



You are only allowed to speak to me during the 30second commercial breaks. Should you need more than that allocated time to speak, then we will have to continue the conversation during the next commercial break.


Reason No.2: I'm Impulsive
Some people are planners. Well, I'm not some people. I pretty much do whatever my gut tells me to do. And since my gut is pretty much out of whack most times, the things I do or about to do is pretty much borderline crazy.

Some guys can't take impulsive girls like me.

Perky: Darling, I need to go shopping. Like, right now.
Guy: What? Now? But it's 5 in the morning!
Perky: Yeah I know. Find me a shop that's open. right. now.

Oh, and there's also that thing where I just go AWOL on the guy and come back with a totally new boyfriend.


Reason No.3: I Will Blow You Off to Blog
When inspiration comes, it comes. I just need to let it all out before it vanishes into thin air (or somewhere in my empty head). Sometimes I'll be bombarded with stuff to write that I'll actually write them all at once and schedule the dates to publish them (which would explain the frequent blogging in May).

And now that I'm learning to make money from blogging, you can bet there'll be more blogging-time than us-time.


Reason No.4: I've Got Multiple Personality Disorder
No, I don't really have that. But I just thought I'd give PMS a new name. One moment I'm the girl-next-door and just like that *snaps finger*, I'm the b*tch from hell. Then there are times when I'm not actually PMS-ing but I'm still that b*tch from hell. I think I'm just cranky when I'm hungry, which unfortunately is pretty much most of the time.


Reason No.5: I'm Expensive to Maintain
There are guys out there who think twice or twenty-four times before they decide whether or not they should eat a good meal simply because of the price. If it's more than RM5 for that plate of chicken rice, then they'd rather eat sardin sandwich (which is actually 2 slices of bread and plain sardin in between but you can get it at RM3.20).

So if you are always keeping track of how much you need to spend on food for yourself, you definitely do not want me as a girlfriend. I eat all the time - 5 meals a day and snacks in between. And I enjoy food, like seriously, a lot. So if there's a new restaurant or a famous dish to try, you can bet your ass I'll be there. Eating makes me happy. And you know what will make me happier? If someone else pays for my meal.


Reason No.6: I've Got CRS and SAS Disorder
The girlfriend has many functions - nag at you, love you, adore you, if you're super nice she'll worship you, play surrogate mother to you, pick up your mess, give you pleasurable joy and also a girlfriend is considered to be a witness to your life.

A girlfriend is someone who'll remember you and also she's someone who'll cherish the moments that you go through in you life.

But I can tell you first hand that I will most definitely fail you even if I tried. I suffer from 2 types of disorder that makes me a really lousy girlfriend: Cant Remember Shit (CRS) and Short Attention Span (SAS). Most people suffer one or the other, but in my case it's bad. Baaaaad. I have the memory of Dory (that character voiced by Ellen DeGeneres in Finding Nemo) and also I have the attention span of a 5 year old on speed. Who knows, maybe when I wake up the next day I won't even know who you are.


Reason No.7: I Can't Cook for Nuts
3 and a half hours for me to cook chicken nuggets and mash potatoes. I think that pretty much says it all.

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7 Your say:

Aziya said...

I have no idea what a Idiot Box means until you'd written in here.. I thought it was a very2 "idiot box" with no purpose..

ahem.... look's like you're a garang too.. larikk !!!!!

Legolas said...

Luckily you don't need to cook! Someone'll do that for you.

Nick Phillips said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick Phillips said...

You're right, you can't cook. 3 and a half hours for nuggets and mash? Whoa, I can't cook either but I can do that in 2 hours flat! LOL!

Perky said...

Aziya:
No lah, not so garang. I was just being sarcastic ;)

Well, glad you learned something new :)

Legolas:
Lol! Yeah, lucky for me. If not I'd probably have died from starvation or overdose on McDonalds.

Nick Phillips:
Damn! You beat me by an hour and a half!! LOl! ;)

Ratu Syura said...

haha! that was hilarious! at least you're being honest about it! make sure the next guy who likes u read this post first.. hehe..

Perky said...

Ratu Syura:
Hehehe... Maybe I'll just compile this in my Code of Ethics book ;)