Oct 31, 2006

War On Onions

Scribbled by Perky |

Onions to me are like those relatives you try so desperately to avoid but somehow no matter what you do, you are bound to meet each other. I make it no secret the amount of hatred I have towards onions (read post on I Could've Died here). My principle towards food is simple: It is sin to eat things that are grown on earth because they do not kill others to survive. Therefore, I can only eat meat and chicken and fish.... well, basically, I'm strictly meatarian. Cain & Abel and I definitely see eye-to-eye when it comes to veggies and onions.

Yeah I know it's a lame excuse to not eat my veggie but veggies are disgusting! I swear I could almost choke to death even before the veggie is in my mouth!

I had planned to do an open house for the Raya festive. And that meant kari (curry) and rendang (a Malay delicacy) must be served to the guests. Considering that it was my idea to do this open house, it was only fair that I help mom with the cooking (well actually she cooks and I, well... I just do all the non-cooking things - chopping, slicing, dicing, blending, washing, etc). It was then that mom revealed to me the secret ingredients to our family's famous beef rendang - onions and lots of it! I felt like an 8 year old who was told that Santa Claus is not real. Oh gawd.... onions in my favourite dish?!? I've been eating onions all this while?!?

Mom assigned me the most important kitchen task to date that has ever been given to me: to peel onions and blend them *insert Psycho theme music here*

White Onions
Definition: to chase vampires away. Not to be consumed by carnivores humans.

I thought that they would be easy to peel. I've seen darling peel them, and it didn't look that hard. He did show me how but you know, it's one thing to see how it's done and another to do it. I, for the life of me, could not remember how to do it! So I spent a good half an hour experimenting trying to remember how darling had done it. These white onions are a bitch to peel. The skin really sticks to the onions. I had to smash the onion in my attempt to rid it of its skin (it's really easy to peel once the onion is slightly smashed). But they were fun to peel. Mom showed me her way of peeling white onions. It involves slicing the onion in half. But we both agreed it was too early for me to be cutting things so closely to my delicate fingers (me being an amateur and have no 'professional' training in the cooking department).

Red Onions
Definition: smells like B.O. (body odour). Highly toxic to eyes and nose.

I was prepared to be reduced to tears when it came to peeling red onions. Even mom warned me to be very careful, "Girl make sure you don't touch your eyes with your hands". Thankfully, I had my glasses on, so that protected my eyes from the attack of the red onion juice. I felt disgusted peeling the red onions because their stinkin' onion juice just sticks in my fingers. I had to wash my hands 13 times with soap to get rid of the smell!

Big Onions
Definition: Most commercialized and successful among all onions as it is endorsed by the likes of McDonald's and Burger King. Has own menu - onion rings.

Juicy fat fucks. Their looks are so deceiving. Yes, they are the easiest among the onion clan to peel. But when you drive a knife through it, they will squirt their poison into your eyes. It was to the big onions that I lost my war on onions. Each time I sliced them, my eyes are exposed to their toxic, which also stings my nose. This was made worst by the fact that I can't rub my eyes with my onion-infested hands. I had tears running down my eyes and mucus running down my nose. But like a soldier I just hang in there, determined to get the job done.

That's why the rendang was so delicious - it had "extra" flavoring.

Acknowledgement
My mom rawks!!! She did all the hard work to make sure that my guests had yummy food to eat. She spent the whole day cooking and stopped at 3.30 in the morning! My mom's the absolute best!

Trivia: Why does it take so long to cook Malay food huh?


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13 Your say:

Anonymous said...

"Why does it take so long to cook Malay food huh?"

because someone who doesnt like (insert ahmm ahmm) onions decided to help in cutting onions. I think it is easier if you clean the onion first before cutting. That way there seems like less crying involved. However, I cant be sure. Cause I gave up cooking long time ago.

swagato

Anonymous said...

onions, garlics n spices makes curry sensationalised ur taste buds. dat is wat is curry. best used on vampires... ahem u dat is. lolx... pity ur mum. gud dat u help out. :)

cain & abel said...

yeah girl....ban all greens!!!! They're there for goats and cows. And gota and cows is human food. That's the correct food chain na? And the bawang analysis...omigosh....i was shivering as i read through the post... !!

Alex said...

I'm not surprised that you actually managed to write about your "love" for onions. Hahahaha! Poor girl with smelly onion fingers!

savante said...

Ooh. All this talk of onions is making me tear up!

xavier said...

got tapau for pelangi people or not???

Perky said...

Swagato:
Nah... don't think you should clean the onion first before you cut them... coz water plus onion juice is just as bad. Plus, it's double work... wash it first and wash it again. Quite the hassle i would say.

Cybertron:
Lol! Perhaps next year i could ask mom for a 'more' demanding kitchen job, such as fire keeper. That's quite a tough job to do i think ;)

Cain & Abel:
Oh you're the only one who understands the perils of being in contact with onions! Lol!

Alex:
Eh damn hard to get rid of onion smell on hands you know. Maybe that's why people with b.o. always stink! Hahaha!

Savante:
I bet you're an onion lover. Hehehe ;)

Xavier:
Eh I still got 1 more tupperware filled with beef rendang. Mom says it can last a week. Nanti I check if it's still good. But i still have kuih raya & they're still gooood =)

Anonymous said...

no wonder. To me cooking is harder than .. umm anything else in the world :-)

Swagato

Anonymous said...

dtOnion is good. :)

Swagato

::airswift:: said...

wanna see me munch a huge chunk of onion again? hik.

Perky said...

Swagato:
You are so right, dude. Cooking is the HARDEST thing to do!!

And onion is bad. Period. :P

Airswift:
You and your chunk of onions >:P What's wronggggggg with you people?!?

apples said...

I love onions! Garlic is yummy and good if you're catching a cold.

Only bad thing is it rolls around in your stomach for a while and comes out the other way.

I try to eat onions when I'll be alone for the evening..

Perky said...

Apples:
Oh no... not you too!!!

I know that onions & garlics are good for the body. But over my dead body first if I ever have to depend on onions to get over sickness! hehehe.