Oct 17, 2006

Sheer Stupidity

Scribbled by Perky |

Thanks to Big Fat Witch, I am 'inspired' to tell you guys some most of the things I did out of sheer stupidity. Let's face it, I'm almost a quarter century old, yet I have somehow managed to retain my childish 4-year-old behavior. What have I accomplished? Not much really. But if there's one thing I can be proud of is that I can make anyone laugh.... at MY expense, of course.

I'm a Princess, Locked in A Tower
I think I was watching a lil bit too much girlie cartoon (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty & The Beast) that it must've rubbed off on me that one fine day. Or maybe I just wanted to play hide-and-seek with my late grandma, whom we call Yaduk. I was living in Limbang back then (this could very well be my first memory of my childhood, who knows). I remember clearly that I wasn't allowed to go on the upper bunk of the double decker bed, which was located at the far end of the house. But I so wanted to go up the upper bunk. So I slammed the door shut and made my way up the stairs of the bed. I sat there, pretending I was in a tower, waiting for my prince to come. Oh but wait, silly me. How was Prince Charming going to rescue me if the stairs was still there? So I pushed the stairs away and "bang" was the sound it made when it landed on the floor. Aaahhh... now my Prince can come and get me.

..........

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Like, now would be good. Or today. Anybody?

Anyways, I stayed there, screaming and yelling for someone to come and get me. But like doh! Who was going to come? I was locked in the room at the end of the house where nobody could hear my cries of help. It felt like an eternity for Yaduk to finally realize that her precious granddaughter was lost somewhere inside her own house. By the time I was found, I was so emotionally scarred that I no longer believed in fairytales.

I'm A Fairy God Mother
I can't really remember the details of this incident. Anyway, Big Fat Witch and I had this huge argument which ended with her crying. But like all sisters, we made up and started to talk again. Anyways, we were in our parents' bedroom when we decided to play scientists (you know, playing with your mom's makeup, spraying daddy's cologne like as if it were Ridsect, etc etc). As we were having fun playing with our parents' toiletries, I grabbed the talcum powder and put some on my left hand. As Big Fat Witch had her back on me, I tapped her shoulder with my right hand, signaling to her to turn and look at me. And as she turned, I blew the powder into her face, which also got into her eyes (make a wish, dear!). Don't ask me why I did it but hell, it was hilarious to me. Well, the not-so-hilarious part was that she started to cry again and it was back to square 1 for us.

De-Virginising My Belly Button
I almost forgot about the first time I got my belly button pierced until Big Fat Witch brought it up (I got it pierced 3 times, ok). I got my first belly ring when I was 17 years old and it was done by my high school sweetie, *Jackass. I talked about getting a belly ring and he loved the idea of it. He loved it so much that he offered to pierce my belly button for me. Yes, my 15 year old boyfriend who had no professional training in piercing whatsoever was going to pierce my sacred belly button. We were in his room one day and he had all the tools for piercing - sterilized needles, ring, except the tummy clamps (forgot what it's called.. auto-something). He prepped the needle first. He put a thread through the needle and at the end of the thread was the ring. He then applied Dettol on my belly button. After that he grabbed the area where he was going to pierce and stuck the needle through and through. He did it real slowly, of course (I'm still alive, am I not?). I could feel the needle go through, then the thread and last was the ring.

Oh by the way, did I mention that the ring was flourescent green in colour? And it was plastic! The idea behind this crazy stunt was to first make the hole and then later I was going to upgrade to a bigger steel ring. My mom went berserk when she saw my bright green belly ring. Anyway, I never did upgrade to the steel ring that he gave me because I had left to further my studies, and without his 'proper' guidance I had no clue how to change my belly ring.

Well don't worry about *Jackass doing piercings like this anymore. He's now a professional tattooist and I'm pretty sure the work he does now is much better than it was 10 years ago (with all that professional training and what not... right).

Physics 101
It's common knowledge that I become plain stupid in the kitchen. And I'm equally as bad in naming the utensils in the kitchen, so bear with me as I come up with my own names for those stuff. The item you need to know is the 'support grill' as it plays a pivotal role in this story. Basically, the 'support grill' is where you place your pot/pan on the stove and you can transfer the 'support grill' from the big stove (where you usually place the kettle or the one with the big fire) to the small stove (where you place your tiny pot to make soup or the one with the small fire). You guys still with me?

Anyway, I was boiling water that day. So I had to use the big stove. I placed the 'support grill' on that one first so that my kettle won't topple over. As I waited for the water to boil, I prepped my Maggie mee into the pot. I couldn't just place the pot over the small stove because without the 'support grill', my pot, too, would topple over. Therefore I had to wait for the water to boil first so that I can use the 'support grill' for my pot. I heard the kettle ring, so I turned the fire off and placed the kettle on the counter. I then proceed to, with my bare hands, grabbed hold of the still-very-very-hot 'support grill' and transferred it to the small stove. I felt this pain on my fingers and I got pissed. "Why does my fingers hurt, damn it?!? I just want to cook so that I can eat." Only after I have successfully transferred the 'support grill' that I realized I had burned my fingers. It took me another 3 minutes to figure out what to do with those burned fingers. Yes Perky, iron is a very good heat conductor and human skin burns easily.

Why not just use the same big stove to cook my Maggie mee, you ask? I don't know. I'm just 'Jessica Simpson' in the kitchen I guess.

The Slide-Calator
Gosh I can be so childish sometimes. I tend to relive my childhood moments with friends who are equally 'deprived' of their childhood. We were in Midvalley Megamall and must've been high on something. As we were heading towards the carpark, we had to go through this sliding escalator (the one near Nando's). *Crazy Mofo on impulse suggested we race to the car. So of course we were up for the challenge. But that crazy fucker cheated and caught us off our feet. We all started running like mad. I was in second place and was catching up to *Crazy Mofo on the sliding escalator. I was so caught up in the excitement of the race that I forgot that my shoes had no grip on them anymore. I was running down the slippery sliding escalator when the most embarrassing thing happened. I could almost remember it in slow-mo, kinda like them Matrix movies. One moment I was running, and the next I saw the ceiling and later I landed with a big "thump" on my ass. I was so 'malu-fied' (eng trans: very very embarassed to the point of wanting to bury one's head into a hole), made worst by the fact that it happened in Midvalley!

DIY Bikini Wax
I don't know what led to me shaving off my pubic hair - either out of curiosity, or wanting to impress my darling. One day I bought this super hot cute pink lacey see-through panty. I loved it to bits because one, I look hot. Two, damn I look hot. And three, it made my ass look cute *wink*. I was pretty sure I was gonna get the stamp of approval from darling. Anyhoo, as I was trying it out in my bathroom, I looked down and the one thing that didn't look so cute was my pubic hair popping out from the sides of my panty. And I'm not talking about one strand or two. I'm talking about a whole bush!! (Mind you, I was trying on a really skimpy underwear).

So I took my panty off and decided to trim the sides of my pubic region. I must've gotten carried away coz I went all G.I. Jane on it. Well, sort of G.I. Jane. I couldn't find the courage to shave it completely bald. The part I'm referring to is the opening of my crotch.... the one that protects the clit. I was so scared that I might accidentally cut the super sensitive clit, so I left that part alone. So can you imagine the laughter from darling when he saw the 'Mohawk'-do on my pubic region?!?

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11 Your say:

Anonymous said...

hahaha

First it was a good read.. then it went nicer read.. then a juicer funnier read.. hehe "The part I'm referring to is the opening of my crotch.... the one that protects the clit. I was so scared that I might accidentally cut the super sensitive clit, so I left that part alone. So can you imagine the laughter from darling when he saw the 'Mohawk'-do on my pubic region?!?" hehehe

Good lucks Perky :-) Hey why do you actually call yourself Perky?

cain & abel said...

I was having some some good clean fun i reach the paragrah. You just have to write bout sushis and gross us gurls out do you? Mak kisah tau. You should have dyed your booloos flaming red to match them panties. Ha ha ha ha!!

ps: btw what size is that panty? My waist and yours quite same kan? ;p

Perky said...

Anonymous:
Well glad you enjoyed the post =)

A few years back, my close-knit friends came up with a nickname for me. 3 reasons why I'm called Perky:
1. It's named after a stuffed toy pig (i luvvvvvvv pigs!)
2. Because of my personality - perky and cheerful =) lol!
3. And lastly, because of my perky tits! ;)

Cain & abel:
Speaking of flaming red booloos, that kinda reminded me of the episode in sex & the city! LOLZ!!!

p/s: Eh, you dun compare your waist to my 23-inch waist k :P But even if the waist can fit, you still got that extra 'barang' that might just not fit into my tiny panty ;) HAHAHHAAHAHAHA! *sentap*

savante said...

Whoa. You dangerous woman! From belly button to clit!

Alex said...

This was gooooooodddddd!! I dont know what to say... I mean, it's YOU! You the unpredictable lady. And why am I called Crazy Mofo?! Give lah cool name or something...

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!!!!

*pengsan
*woke up

mohowk do???!?!?!?!?

*pengsan
*woke up

ivan u too??!?!?

*pengsan

Jay said...

You must have had a far different childhood than mine!

Perky said...

Savante:
Well I was in my 'experimenting' era ;)

Alex:
You know that incident was purely your fault right? LOL! Fucker.

Xavier:
I would've put a pic up but the mohawk-do has grown into a full bush. Lol!!! HAHAHAHAA!

Jay:
Well one gets creative when one is deprived of toys. hehehe

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!

Full bush!?!??!?

*pengsan due to the scary thought/image...

Anonymous said...

oi, maner post post rayer???? stress study need reading materials!

Perky said...

Xavier:
Lol! I guess a full bush on a woman is a scary thought for gay guys huh? Hahaha! I got an idea for my halloween costume oledi... I'll go as a Bushy Vagina! HAHAHAHA! Trick or treat? ;)

How to do post masa rayer.... no internet connection kat kampung!