Mar 23, 2006

I Could've Died!!

Scribbled by Perky |

It’s foul. It’s vulgar. I tried so hard to not let my tongue touch it. Should I just swallow? I can’t… it’s big and it’s hard. I’d choke. Oh no, what if I choked? Is there anyone here that can do a Heimlich maneuver should I choke? If I choked, it would probably take 30 seconds for someone to notice, 2 minutes for someone smart enough to yell “Dial 999” in the midst of all that chaos and panic, for someone to actually reach the phone and dial 999 would take 1 minute (give and take that person doesn’t fumble over the digits… as well as how fat their fingers are… oh please don’t let it be an oversized person making that all-too-important phone call... and please make sure they know the difference between 999 and 666 - I don't think I've done Lucifer proud with what little I've accomplished), 3 minutes for the operator to get the details down, 20 minutes for the paramedics to arrive and 4 minutes to do the necessary. All in all, I’d have 30 and a half minutes to try and survive. It would really suck if I had already ‘walked towards the light’ only to be revived but left braindead for the rest of my 20+ years. Yes, I’ve got some serious decisions to make and little time to make them.

I let it swim in my mouth for a while, careful not to let my teeth sink into it. If it had any contact with my teeth whatsoever, it would rupture, releasing all its foul juices. Having it in my mouth is bad enough. Now I gotta swallow?!? On top of that, it has this awful smell… even before it entered my mouth. I could even smell it in my mouth. It smells like body odour. Oh the stench! Oh no, gag reflex! *fighting really hard not to vomit* Oh how I wish I didn’t have a tongue. Wait, I take that back (I really should get my priorities right). I wish I didn’t have to put this vulgar thing in my mouth. I despise it. I hate it. I should’ve been more careful. There’s no way out of this, is there?

I look at the faces around me. They could very well be the last people I see on Earth. I’d really like to spit this thing out of my mouth, but I wonder if they’d mind if I did so. Do they even notice that I'm on the verge of tears and that saliva has been accumulating itself in my mouth for the past 5 minutes. Do they even care? Do I even care that they care? I wonder who will turn up at my funeral. I don’t want a sad-themed funeral. I want Aerosmith to perform at my service and Tetsuya Ogawa saying how he wished he had married me and had babies with me.

With every ounce of strength and courage I could muster, I bit down hard. *crunch crunch SPLAT!!!* Argh! YuckS with a capital S! Onions, the most foul thing on Earth!!!

Fuck Onions!!!!

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13 Your say:

Himu said...

this post is on onion????? hehehe :P:P:P

Perky said...

Hehehehe!!! Yeah!!! I really HATE them onions! Yucks! I finally put up some pictures on this post. Yey! =)

Jay said...

If you hate them so much, why did you eat it?

Wildfire Princess said...

this was a really good one.

Himu said...

Right now I am having spaghetti with pork meat in it and lots of onions and spicy sauce in it hehe. Onions yummy :D

Anonymous said...

i had a funny feeling that this was about onions. if not onions, it'd probably be garlic. if not garlic, i'm guessing vegetables.

lol! had so much fun reading this. you really can be such a drama queen at times. what else goes thru your overimaginative, overcreative, overtalented brain? hehe.

-vonne-

Perky said...

Miss Jay:
A friend introduced me to her friends, so I was too distracted trying to get to know them that I wasn't looking at what I was putting in my mouth. By then, it was too damn late to notice that I had a couple of big-ass onions in my mouth. Errhhh....

Wildfire Princess:
Glad you enjoyed reading my 'misfortunes' hehehe...

Himu:
You're just plain sick man... sicK with a capital K! Lol!
I'm so glad that my bf hates onions just as much as I do. I had actually told him that I would never kiss him if he ate onions/garlic. hahaha!

Vonne:
Overimaginative? Overcreative? Overtalented?!? Lol! Got such thing meh?? Oh well... you know me... onions does funny doo-doo to me. hahaha!

Jay said...

Have you recovered yet?

Himu said...

YEsterday night I had Chicken Biryani. Yumy. There was lot of onions in there. The meal tasted so yummy. Awesome!

Perky said...

Miss Jay:
No!! I'm permanently scarred! lol.

Himu:
You know, over in m'sia we also have briyani rice and it is loaded with onions. So what I'd do is I'd take out all the onions first before I eat. So you can imagine how long it'll take for me to finish my food. hehehehe.

Himu said...

oh my gosh. seriously u do that? I hope u learn to cook well w/o onions.

Perky said...

i kid you not, himu. oh yeah i cook well... think around the terms 'charred', 'black', 'burnt'... so yeah, i do cook well. hehehehe

Himu said...

heheh :) Good luck lah