Feb 9, 2006

Weighing A Relationship

Scribbled by Perky |

I've often wondered how much of your own self do you lose when you are in a relationship. I've seen many friends turn into strangers whenever they 'fall' in love. It's perfectly natural that you adopt certain of your partner's habits. But to completely give up football, now that's a huge sacrifice. Some people are known to lose their circle of friends when they are in relationships. Ok, so it's cute if you guys wear matching clothes. But seriously, would your boyfriend wear pink if it was your turn to pick what matching clothes the both of you should wear for that day? And yeah it's great if you guys tend to finish each other's sentences or 'know' what the other is thinking about. But whatever happened to being your own person? Your own identity?

Lately I've been wondering about this. Am I still me when I'm so involved with someone? Don't get me wrong here. I love my partner very much (well… maybe slightly less than the love I have for my Fender guitar… or my love for cars… or hunky actors/rockstars… or my pet iguana… or my pig… but he is definitely on the Top 10 list of things I love) and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. But that's the scary part: the I'd-do-anything-for-you-babe part. What if he tells me to give up smoking (although that's highly unlikely since he smokes like a chimney himself... but hey, who knows?!)? Or that I should trade my comfy jeans for a skimpy skirt? Or that I should stick to eating salad? Then what? Do I go along with his ideas but suffer in silent or do I give him the middle finger salute and lose the man of my dreams? None of this will happen, of course, otherwise I wouldn't be with him in the first place. But it's just the 'what ifs' that occassionally pops into my hectic mind. I mean, it's no secret that I tend to suffer panic attacks whenever I'm in a relationship.

Spotting Strange Marks
Hickies. What a fascinating thing they can be. We girls certainly can spend hours staring at it as we check ourselves out in the mirror. And why shouldn't we? It is there to remind us of how good it was being in our partner's arms while they have a go feasting on our necks. To me, it's a nice red mark to remind me that I belong to someone and hopefully if he's smart enough (which I pray he is, for his own sake), the only neck he's going to be feasting on is mine. Hickies can also serve as a warning to unwanted predators, both male and female. It's a sign that pretty much says,"Fuck off. Can't you see that I have someone already?".

Hellboy and I had the same foreheadLooking at my love bites makes me smile; grateful for being so blessed with a wonderful guy and how wonderful life is now that he's very much in it. But when you have two on your forehead, now that can be really embarassing. Yeap, I have 2 hickies on my forehead (of all the places to get them!). I have spent the last few days looking like Hellboy and being stared at like as if I have a fatal disease. Some people even thought that I was being abused at home. I sure felt like a broken record after having to explain it to the 14 people that had the courage to ask that yes, it really is a hickie and yes, I agree it's weird to have it on the forehead. But now that it’s slowly fading away, I find myself missing it quite a bit.

Being Mistaken for Jokers' Twin Sister
Smiling for no apparent reason seems to be a constant side effect when in love.

Sleep Deprived
When he’s around, well obviously sleep is the last thing you'll be getting. When he’s not around, you spend your precious sleeping time talking to him over the phone. So let's see: Before when I was single, I used to get about 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Even with those 5 hours of shuteye I still felt like I needed more sleep. Now that I have to be the dutiful girlfriend and listen to him talk rubbish at night, I've only managed to get 3 hours of sleep. So not only am I not getting enough sleep, but my head is also loaded with more rubbish. This makes it excruciatingly painful to concentrate at work or even be with the living.

There’s a Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow
It took me by surprise when my colleague told me that I was getting 'soft' or that I've lost my edge. We were talking about a particular comedian who had snubbed my boss a few years ago (back when he was selling like hot cake). She had told us that she would prefer it if we didn't use his service for any of our events. Something about him being a stuck up and that we shouldn't give businesses to snobs/arrogant/ungrateful people. My reply to her was,"But that was a few years ago. Who knows? Something could've happened and he's had a change of heart and is now a humble man". Huh?! Did I just say that? Somehow when a person is in love, he/she will believe that everyone is good and we will all go up to heaven. Right.

Jealous Rage
I’ll have to pretend to be jealous from time to time. Somehow men digs it when their women get jealous. I don't know why that is so. Perhaps it's a sign that the women care. But just because I don't get jealous easily doesn't mean I don't care. So what if he's talking to that hot babe? They're just talking. At the end of the day, he's coming home with me. He tries to make me upset (God knows why anyone would do that. Maybe perhaps it's his way of experimenting on what makes me tick) and once in a while I play along and pretend to sulk. And oh gosh, he gets such a kick out of me sulking, it's like as if he just surfed the biggest wave. Men can be really strange sometimes.

Remembering the Little Things
Who his relatives are, his work schedule, his doctor’s appointment, his dogs' names. On top of remembering all those, you have to remind yourself to let him know that you remember. It’s hard enough for me to remember the things that I’m supposed to do… and now I gotta remember things for him too?

The Adventures of Indiana Jones
I've always been the adventurous kind. But somewhere along the way my sense of adventure got lost. Or more like I misplaced it for a few years. I've had people breathing down my neck telling me how I could've died doing that stunt and that I really should slow down if I wanna live pass 40. And after experiencing some crazy stuff, I took their advice and tried to live my life as safely (read: boring) as possible. But my partner brought my sense of adventure back to me. Now I know how to have fun but in a safe-not-wreckless kinda way. I haven't felt that alive in a very long time. I've rode on a crazy spaceship-spinning-gravity-defying ride, I've lit up a really huge firework (3 inches in diameter, and that baby blew up real nice and colourful in the sky), I've somewhat dealt with my fear of flying and I now pretty much believe that I'm bulletproof.

My Own Private Gym
With him around, I may not have to go to the gym anymore. I get a full body workout with him around. Ab toning (from all that laughing), flexibility (from all that wrestling and sumo moves he likes to pull on me), facial exercise (from all that making out), and other exercises that I shall not write here, for fear that I may not be able to complete this post due to a certain pressure build-up at the hips.

Spread the Love Y'all
There’s something rewarding about putting someone else on the top of the list other than yourself. In my case, it's more dangerous if I was doing things alone because I don't have others to worry or think about. Which is probably why I keep ending up in a lot of mess whenever I was off on one of my 'solo' adventures. But now that I have someone, I can't be so selfish and wreckless. I'd imagine how upset he'd be if I got injured doing one of my up-to-no-good stunts, or got sick from attempting to outlast a fat dude in an eating contest, or whatever stupid things I tend to do whenever I'm bored.

Now that I'm reaching the end of my post, it does kinda seem that I've got more to lose than gain. However there is one thing that makes it ok to lose that much in the relationship: The love of a good man (Gosh, I've really gotten soft!).

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5 Your say:

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

This post is so sweet! At times corny but it's so sweet of you to write about him that way.

And yes, you are getting soft ;)


Wildfire Princess said...

what the f*ck has he been feeding you?

Perky said...

*doing my supercool lame ass 'whateva man dot dot dot' sign*
But u're right lah woman. i am getting soft. i actually cried when he sent me flowers on V-day! N i don't even believe in that crap! lol.

Wildfire Princess:
I think it was more like he drugged me with mp5, a bit of weed... then a splash of sambooka/vodka/tequila... yeah and the fireworks added to the final touches. lol!

Jay said...

If you're losing yourself, you're doing it wrong.