Jul 28, 2005


Scribbled by Perky |

I'm lying in bed, in the arms of a stranger
We were doing the naughty and I kept wishing it was you
He doesn't taste like you
He doesn't smell like you
He doesn't feel like you
It makes me sick to know I've been denied the simple joys in life
Or maybe that's just the booze talking
But I know when I leave this room, I'll be sad
Sad because I know I still feel that way about you

There are times when I'm not so strong
I'll be on the bathroom floor
Crying and asking questions no one would answer
I would beg and beg for this pain to go away
Cold water, hot water
Neither could cleanse me from your filth, your lies

There are times when I'll be so desperate
Desperate to stop this pain my heart is feeling
I'd drown myself in booze
I'd suffocate in grass
Just so that I could forget you
Even just for a while...

There are times when I'm pissed at God
Where was He when I need Him the most?
What did I do to deserve this pain?
Why do I have to go through life this way?
I know it wasn't His fault I landed in this mess
He did try to warn me
Like when everyone was telling me I'm too good for you
Like when I found her letter, adressing your daddy as Pa
Like when I found her pink panties in your drawer
Like when I heard her voice on the phone when I called you
I gave you the benefit of the doubt
All in the name of love
All because I wanted to be the understanding lover
Could I blame God for making me stupid?
Could I blame God for giving me a loving heart?
Could I really blame anyone for making a bad choice?
But was it really love I felt with you?
Or some sick and twisted fascination?
If it's the latter, then how come my heart still jumps when you're around?

Seems like you got the better end of the deal
You get to play house with someone else
You get to live our dreams with someone else
I did wish you the best in life
But now that I think of it, I take it back
It's hard to not be with that someone, and at the same time wish them the best
I gave you my best
But you took me for granted
Played me for a fool, just like one of your toys
I'm done giving you my best
I'm done giving you prayers you don't deserve
I'm done forgiving you for sins you don't regret
I hope life is cruel to you
I hope you get nightmares when you sleep
I hope you get some incurable disease
STD, HIV, herpes
And I do hope you end up having your bastards
So that your generation can know what a fucker you are
And so that my generation can make their life a living hell on earth
At least I know I can depend on Karma to do her job

That's just the bitter me talking
But here's my soft side talking
I'll keep my end of our promise
I promised to love you always
Looks like I'll keep that one promise alive
No point of denying how I really feel
I'll definitely go to Switzerland one day
See if the mountains really are as beautiful as you say

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7 Your say:

Anonymous said...

this is one serious post. i know you're having a hard time now coz you ain't one to post anything serious. i didn't wanna comment on your blog just so that you won't know that i've been keeping tabs on you. but after reading this post...

if this happened 3-4 years ago i would've said "serve you right. that's what you get for choosing him over me". sore loser. but that's years ago. i've somewhat managed to get over you ;)

sweetie, you made a bad choice. but you shouldn't punish yourself for something you had no control over. some men are just idiots. but would you rather be the one who stayed with him even though you knew he was cheating? could you shut your conscience up? no right? coz you better than that girl. you don't take leftovers. you don't put up with crap and lies. and he'd make you feel dirty coz he's been all over town, screwing whoever came along.

what happened to that feisty girl i loved so much? you could declare a war against onions and people would gladly fight your cause. you're blessed with so many wonderful things - pretty face, great physique, smart brains and so musically gifted. so what are you doing hiding from the world? get out there and let us know your presence again.

forever yours.
p/s: i still kept my promise to you ;)

A true Virgo said...

Wow Lydd.. That is one sweet post straight from the heart.. Yeah somehow we do in Love what we shouldnt have in real minds. I always said that Love is a disease.. and tried to stay away. Seems like that disease has struck me too badly... I can not say much.. except wish you be stronger ok... I know how painful past is.....

Anonymous said...

its things like this that make me glad im a lesbian. but im not saying that there arent any female cheaters. at least when we gals fuck each other we dont leave our scum behind. lol.

but i understand how it feels to have your heart broken by the one person u truly trust. i feel u when u have this mix feelings... u wish him the best and yet you also want shit to happen to him (justice served!!).

you'll be fine la woohhmannnn! God loves u and he has not forsaken u. just look around and see the number of ppl who love and support u.

let's go rock climbing gal!!! let off some steam?

p/s: hey how come u never told me bout your secret lover? and why, oh why did you choose that crap over this guy? gossip gossip!! oh do tell :)


Anonymous said...

I donno how anyone could just give you up like that. The 4 months I called you mine was without a doubt the best times of my life. Ever. You changed my life from boring to cool. I learned so much about life from you, shared more love than anyone else could in a lifetime, had so much adventure.

Perhaps that was why he left. I mean, there were times when I wondered what could you possibly want and need from a guy like me? So mebbe he one day just realized he could provide you nothing more. You gotta admit, girl, you are truly wild at heart. So wild that it's hard to keep up with you sometimes. And you've always went your own way you know.

Be well, lady.


Anonymous said...

Just be happy.. dont think of the past.. always stay with ur friends.. and in time it will heal. I hope :)

Wish you all the best

Perky said...

Thanks everyone. Am feeling so much better this week. Last week was kinda nuts for me, which probably explains this crazy post. Will be my old self & post 'em less serious stuff soon! Thanks again. mwaakks!!

Forever mine:
hmm.. keeping tabs on me eh? more like stalking ;) lol. Haha! Am beginning to wonder too, why din i choose you??? lol. as for the war against onions, i want to appoint u as my general. up for it? ;) lol!

Really appreciate the support mate! Hugs!!

I just love u, girl! U're the best u know! can't tell u la bout this guy. sowi babes. next round of margarita is on me.

I almost forgot that we were together. Hhaha! You were too much of a buddy-buddy to be bf material. lol! we cool eh? n i cannot believe u would actually stick up for that a$$hole. u don't even know him. :P and for that, you owe me lunch! lol.
p/s: u were never boring to begin with. if u were, we would never hav gotten 2gether u know ;)

apples said...

I wonder if all of us feel something like this for someone... Some of your lines were things I've only thought but can't quite get myself to write down.

I've realized that heartaches are as different as people are. There are some people you want to forget, to put it behind you, but you can't. Then there are others you don't ever want to forget, and you know you'll always love them.

And sometimes both of them come, at different times, for the same person. Then I don't have a clue what to do.