Jul 12, 2008

When A Bun Is Baking In Your Oven

Scribbled by Perky |

(Gross content ahead. You have been warned!)

Perhaps I shouldn't call it a bun that I'm baking in my oven, as that would most likely give you the wrong idea. No, I'm not preggers. I repeat, NOT preggers.

I'm actually referring to the chocolate muffin that we deposit into the toilet bowl every morning. Oh yes, that kind of chocolate muffin.

I don't know about you guys, but I for one, cannot go in public toilets. If it's not the toilet in my home, then there's just no way I can just go. I know there are people who are able to just take a dump wherever they are. But I can't. Period. (Well, unless if I was having diarrhoea... but that's diarrhoea. If you have to go, you have to go. Otherwise, you might end up soiling your pants... which is really, really embarrassing).

Now, because I can only go in my own toilet, that means I either get my business done in the morning or after I've come home from work. But then, there are times when, for whatever reasons, I was unable to take a dump - such as rushing to go to work, or just didn't feel like it in the morning. So I go to work feeling like there's something up my a$$, literally. I'm sure you guys are familiar with the constipated feeling.

Even when I do feel like going, simply because I'm not at home, I will just bear with it the whole day. Like I said, I won't go in public places. I won't budge.

(Pic Courtesy of Le Merde)

I believe I am like this because I feel embarassed to do my "business" in public toilets. This feeling of embarassment probably came from such ridiculous paranoia such as:
1) I'm afraid that I will stink up the entire toilet. I have this picture in my head of being greeted by people holding their noses once I come out from my cubicle. It's either that, or being greeted by a group of girls whispering amongst themselves,"Nehhhh... that's the girl who was taking a dump".
2) I'm afraid of the "ploop" sound that the shit makes when it goes into the toilet bowl. Man, that's a dead giveaway of letting people know that I've taken a dump.

I mean, I've heard the person in the next cubicle fart while piss and that was enough to make me laugh my ass off. Can you imagine if I knew they were taking a dump? My God, they'll never hear the end of it from me!

McChef finds this behavior very bizarre. He even calls me "tangki taik". But I just can't help myself. It's the same as getting me to eat onions, I suppose. I'd rather slit my wrists than having to go in public toilets!

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4 Your say:

Nick Phillips said...

ROTFL! Now that was one hilarious post. I especially laughed myself silly at the part that that you wrote - 'I'm afraid of the "ploop" sound that the shit makes' ... oh my god that was hilarious!

Well, for me I guess it would be how desperate I am la ...

wEn said...

well I'm more desperate to curi tulang so that's where the office toilet comes in but orh don't worry bout the "ploop" sound, I've had naf practice that it goes smoothly down the hole! wuhooo!

budleee said...


i am one of those person who can take a dump anywhere, using anything. i have friends who still squat at those siting toilets because they can't sit down to to their business. i find it funny to tell my malay friends that many toilets outside malaysia are sitting toilets and do not have any water in the toilets to wash up afterwards. He he, you should see how their eyes and mounth opened together at the same time :D

Perky said...

Nick Phillips:
Gee, thanks man... for laughing at me! >:P Hahahaha!

From this day forward, I dub thee, "Lady Ploop Silencer" ;) LOL!! I'd ask you to teach me, but oh that is so wrong!

*gasp* If I had diarrhea while overseas, my God, I'll be running back to the hotel each time I have to go. hehehe!