Feb 24, 2008

I AM Legend

Scribbled by Perky |

I always find it rather awkward to meet up with friends I haven't seen in ages. What do I say? What are we going to talk about? Who's she dating again? What has he been up to all these years?

Yes, many questions I wanted to ask but too shy to ask. Why? Simply because I didn't want my old friends to think that I have become too busy for them, or that I've somewhat chucked them out of my life to make room for new friends.

But then again, I'm way too much of a 'gossipper' to pass up the chance of asking all these questions, so the awkward moment becomes un-awkward, and we'd chat like as if time didn't move at all for us.

And then things get all awkward again when Polly walks in on our conversation. Polly and I have never met before, so begins the ridiculous introduction by my old friend.

Old Hag: This is Perky. She's the one I've been telling you about. She eats like mountains & mountains of food.

Polly's face then lights up and starts talking to me like as if we've been girlfriends for so long.

Polly: How do you eat all that junk & NOT get fat? Look at you, you're so small!

Old Hag: Yeah, but check out her boobs. That's most likely where she stores all that food.

Then they erupt in laughter, like as if I wasn't even there to begin with.

I get a similar introduction when my boss brings me along to meet new clients or her friends, especially if it's a lunch meeting.

Lady Boss: This is Perky. She may look small but she can really eat A LOT.

Client: Oh really? That's good. Perhaps we should order a 5-course meal. At least if we all can't finish it, you can do it on our behalf.

Perky: (Huh? I'm not a trash can, you know)

Or sometimes I get this introductions instead:

Girlfriend: Hey, have you met Perky? She's the one I've been telling you about. The one that parties like a rockstar. She can really, really drink and knows how to really have fun.

New Friend: Oh that one... yeah I remember you mentioning her.

New Friend then turns to me and asks: So, do you still dance on table tops and having scandalous affairs with unscrupulous men?

Perky: I'm not a tramp. But if you're really interested in becoming one, I can give you some pointers.

Who is this Perky? I don't know her. They say she can eat a whole cow to herself, but I've never seen that happen. As a matter of fact, she's a rather picky eater. So how did she get a reputation for being a big eater?

And what about her being an alcoholic? I haven't seen Perky out trashing the clubs for years already. I've seen her chugging down beer at lightning speed, but that hardly qualifies a person to be a hard drinker. As a matter of fact, the last liquor she drank was a shot of Vodka on Chinese New Year. Still, a shot of Vodka don't make a person an alcoholic.

I just don't get it. Perky the alcoholic big eater is a legend.

If you've enjoyed this post, please subscribe to my blog.

6 Your say:

The Banker said...

you must really be something since people are making up tall stories about you, lol

savante said...

Trust me, better a big eater than being introduced as a skank, darlin.

Anonymous said...

Eh pompuan tak tahu malu!!! I've seen and witnessed your big appetite so many times. Alex's bbq party? Ring a bell???? Who was the last one eating??? Some more ah your face was hidden under piles of lamb chops!!

How about the National shots we took ah??? Who was the last one standing (or worbling)????

Damn girl! You are a legend!! LMAO!


Perky said...

The Banker:
Lol... yeah, my reputation precedes me *sigh*

Yeah, I know. But I just wished they also mentioned my charming good looks or something like that ;) Lol!

Holy crap. You remembered. Alex's bbq was because I was hungry and I hadn't eaten anything that day.

The nationals... well I was the last one standing because I was most sober among you guys, therefore I could drink more than the rest! >:P

Sam said...

Aiyer. What's wrong with these people. :P

Perky said...

Lol! Yeah what's wrong with these people?? ;)