Jan 9, 2007

Kuching Clubbers Are Highly Evolved. I Kid You Not!

Scribbled by Perky |

Although I've toned down my party animal down to -50, I do admit, I still love to go clubbing. Just not as much. Perhaps due to the ageing process, my body just simply can't keep up with the crazy life that goes along with clubbing (spending 2 hours applying layers and layers of make-up, 3 hours of drinking + dancing, passing out some time before 2am, and miraculously arriving safely at home by 4am. That's tough work!). But yeah, I still love to have a couple of drinks and shake my booty on the dance floor once in a while. You can take the girl out of the parteh but you can never take the parteh out of the girl!

You see, I never had the chance to experience the clubbing scene in Kuching as I had left to further my studies in KL after high school. So whatever party knowledge I had, I gained in the big city. And perhaps due to ignorance, I assumed that that's how everyone else parteyed. Boy, was I wrong. I had the shock of my life when I decided I'd give the Kuching clubbing scene a try.

Traffic At A Standstill
Kuching clubbers are excellent drinkers. Regardless of how much they've drank, they somehow manage to stand up straight for hours! It's true. As I was enjoying my bottle of Heine, I noticed that no one was dancing despite the DJ spinning some relatively good tunes. They all just stood around, looking at each other. I thought that was an amazing feat because I know I can't possibly just stand and stare at strangers after having some drinks. No one in KL can pull this stunt off because we're bad drinkers and let's face it, we're a bunch of desperados for body contact. Drinks + music = dancing. But in Kuching, if you so much as move a muscle, I swear by my pink Crocs, the crowd will kill you with their deadly stare.

Do The Shuffle
Forget the salsa moves you wanna try out. You can also throw out all those hip hop moves you spent hours learning and perfecting from the Justin Timberlake video. 'Cause when you're in Kuching, the only dance move permitted here is the shuffle. If you don't do the shuffle, you're not cool. If you don't know what the shuffle is, then you're an alien. Who doesn't know the shuffle?!?

I'm embarrassed to call myself a Kuchingite 'cause I didn't know what the shuffle is. Therefore I'm not cool and I'm an alien, too. It's a dance style that involves you moving your legs and only your legs. You stare at other people's feet to learn the latest moves. Everyone will be staring at the floor, at your feet. Doesn't matter if you have the killer looks of Daniel Wu 'cause no one will be looking at your face.

You know, thinking back, the shuffle kinda reminds me of the good old MC Hammer days but imagine putting MC Hammer on speed and you'll roughly get the idea. You stomp your feet, you can even sweep the floor with the rapid movement of your feet. You can forget about moving your upper torso and even your hands.

I feel sad for the girls that tagged along with their boyfriends. The boys will leave the girls standing at the side while the boys become fixated by each other's feet. I mean, whatever happened to asking a girl for a dance? It's like as if the whole world has gone gay and the men prefers to dance with men. (And I don't mean that as an insult to the sistahs, ok.) I don't mind if they think my boyfriend is a sissy man for dancing with me in public. There's nothing more romantic and sexier than a man slow dancing with his lady in a crowded room. But that's just me. I'm not cool.

Come to think about it, Kuching clubbers outshine the KL clubbers here 'cause it must need great talent to just move your legs and not the rest of the body.

According to *Crazy Mofo who's like the guru of clubbing, the Shuffle style is taken from typical Jazz moves & incorporated with a modern twist. It's all about the footwork - either you slide left to right, right to left, on the spot or in triangular movement. If the dancer performs it well (and that's a BIG if), they look like as if they're gliding across the dance floor and defying gravity. *Crazy Mofo also added that if he's not mistaken, this dance style emerged during acid house era. So I was wrong to say that it looked like MC Hammer on speed.

Barbie Dolls Everywhere!
If you like underaged girls, Travilion is the place to be. It's easy to find girls whose breasts hasn't even fully developed yet there. Yes, they will attempt to look all grown up by wearing their mother's sister's clothes and make-up but hey, they're still learning. So forgive them each time they choke on their cigarette ('cause you know, smoking is, like, so cool these days). Also, try not to judge them so much as they share a MUG of beer among 8 friends ('cause you know, they're still living on school allowances). Do try real hard to not laugh in their face as they "get drunk" from drinking orange juice ('cause apparently someone told them it was TEQUILA sunrise and if you're not drunk you're not cool).

The best part is you don't have to worry about going home with sweaty girls who's face is all smudged by her make-up. You see, these 'Barbie Dolls' are for show. They don't dance, therefore they don't sweat. They look exactly as they were when they left home. In my years of clubbing, I have never, NEVER, gone home looking the same way as I left. I would come home looking like the 5th member of Kiss, my body would be sticky like velcro, and most likely smell like a pond of puke. I must be dilusional if I ever thought I could be part of this barbie doll phenomenon.

So I have come to a conclusion that I will never fit in the clubbing scene in Kuching. I do not get all dolled up so that I can be gawked at by underaged boys. As a matter of fact, I don't need to doll myself up to be gawked at in the first place, but that's beside the point. I don't know the shuffle and besides there's no way I can do it in high heels and a mini skirt. And hell no to standing at the side while others dance their feet away. The only way I know how to parteh is to dance 'til my body aches and drink til my piss smells like stale beer. Plus, staring at other people, that's just plain rude to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I still love the old school ways of clubbing.

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8 Your say:

Dawn said...

LOL! You sound like my kinda sistah for partying!

Thanks for the comment on my blog over at Retarded Rugrat

Tek said...

hey no insulting KISS!

yalah yalah go travilion didnt invite. I could have brought you to the clubbing scene where ppl just "do it" in the VIP rooms.

Travilion sucks, nobody goes there anywhere, only high school and college kids. Bah!

Perky said...

Lol! It's always good to relive the good old partying days on print but to go thru all that again at this age, nah... I'd gladly stay at home & watch tv (gosh, I sound like a geek. GeeEEEeeekk!) Hehhe.

Haiyah, don't need VIP rooms to just "do it". Dalam kereta also can what ;)

Travilion's actually a nice place, but it sucks big time at night coz of the crowd. But i still prefer the likes of Soho and Grappa though.

savante said...

GASP! Men who dance with men! I am so moving there NOW!

Anonymous said...

wah, it's just an hour of air asia away, and the culture so different yeah. interesting.

but i still prefer to shake my whole body until i get ache the next day.

worth the entrance money mah.

Anonymous said...

:) Seems like fun


Perky said...

Serious!! The men there actually dirty dance with men! And the women just stand around. You hardly see man and woman dance together. So I suppose it'd be club heaven for you eh. LOL!!

Same here same here! What's the point of paying all that entrance fee if you don't dance you ass off kan? Hehehe!

Yeah i suppose it's fun if you're gay and are into underaged ppl! Lol!!

Anonymous said...

hahah :-) I am neither.. aow!:P
Hey have a happy marriage lyfe :-)
So happy for you