A girlfriend and I met up recently, you know, for one of them girlie chit chats. Everything was fine until she told me how miserable she was being a singleton. I get it, you know, the whole miserable and lonely feeling. But she went on and on about how her life was pointless if she didn't have a man in it. Which got me thinking (and you all know how dangerous it can get if I start to think), why on earth is she defining her entire life based on the existence of another being who may or may not love her? I mean, if you based your existence for the love of God, then that's perfectly fine. But another mortal? Another being who's just as flawed as you and me? Man... that's fucked up.

Now before you all go,"But Perky, your life is great... you have a wonderful man who loves you deeply" bla bla bla, remember that I was a singleton, too, not too long ago. Yes, I was miserable.. and lonely... and at times, really really desperate for companionship, even any kind of companionship. And yes, I fell into depression, did the whole drug/booze thing. Just when I thought I'd rather be dead than go through life without men, something happened. Enlightenment. Or if some of you believe in God, I suppose it was His way of telling me to snap out of this stupid phase I was going through.

So I channelled all that negative energy into something positive. Which got me wondering, why am I miserable when I should probably enjoy life as a singleton? One word: Insecurities. Am I pretty enough? Are my thighs really that huge? Am I fun? Do people actually like me? All these questions seem to point out that I'm not comfortable in my own skin. Which points out the more obvious problem: I simply didn't love myself enough. Which coincidentally points out another thing: If I don't love myself enough, then who's gonna love me? The real me. I knew I had to deal with all those insecurities first before I could take care of another person.

Love Your Body
People come in all sorts of height and sizes. I'm really short and I have accepted that I will never have those envious neverending legs (but if they're looking for the next Kate Moss, you know where to find me). And I am not ashamed to admit that my thighs are indeed huge and is most likely riddled with cellulite. Instead of drowning myself in self-pity (or put myself in I'm-craving-for-your-pity mode), I hit the gym to work on the 'problematic' areas. I mean, why whine when you can actually do something about it?

Respect Your Body
Boys will always like girls who throw themselves at them. Why? Because those girls are easy. And who wouldn't want cheap or free stuff? Don't blame the boys if you suddenly find yourself being taken advantage of when it was you in the first place who positioned yourself in such situations? I mean, why put your goodies on display if you don't intend to 'sell' them?

Fabricated Fantasy
It must be really interesting to tell your friends that you have recently become best friends with the hottest ‘It’ girl in town. We all share your joy and all that, provided if you really are best friends with the said person. However, rubbing shoulders at a party with said person DOES NOT qualify you as their best friend. Basically what I’m trying to say is that do not exaggerate the truth. Just say it as it is. Because when you do otherwise, it’s like trying to put weight in a vacuum space. In the end, the only who’s going to look like a bloody fool is yourself.

Stop Beating Around The Bush
Don’t you just love it when people don’t really say what’s really on their mind? I don’t know about you guys but it absolutely drives me nuts! For instance, when someone tells me “I’m hungry”, but what that person really wants to say is “Let’s go and eat”. How is one suppose to react to that statement? Ok, you’re hungry. And then? Do you want to stay hungry (because I heard the other day that you wanted to lose those extra 5 pounds you gained from our Haagen Daaz binge), or do you want to eat something? All these encrypted messages… it’s really no wonder you end up feeling more and more frustrated with us straightforward-and-less-superior-minded people. Either you really are misunderstood or we just don’t speak the same language. But here’s a hint: Just say what’s on your mind.

My Body Is MY Temple
I’m quite the touchy-feely, affectionate kind of person. It’s perfectly normal for me to have body contact with the person I’m talking to. It could be something as innocent as a pat on the shoulder or a brush on the hands. However, that said, there are limits to how much body contact you should have before coming on as a cheap slut. For instance, body grinding is a big No-No; even if that person is NOT interested in you (or because of sexual preferences). If someone did that to me, I would be very, very offended and I’d definitely be thinking twice about hanging out with that person. I would definitely feel like as if my personal space has been violated. Your body is a temple. It protects the soul. If you don’t respect yourself, then who will?

Communication Is A Two-Way Thing
I always think there are two types of people that ask “How was your day?”: One) Someone who genuinely really cares about how your day was spent. Two) Someone who’s really actually just saying it as prelude to “This was how MY day went”. I’ve encountered the latter quite a few times with the same person over and over again. Sometimes even before I could answer that question, said person cuts in and starts blabbing away about how THEIR day went. I mean, why bother asking how my day went when really, all you want to do is talk about you.

Original or Piracy?
Just be yourself. If you happen to be the only one who likes Papa Roach, then so be it. You hate listening to Britney Spears but just because all your friends dig her, doesn’t mean you should dig her too. Following what others like just so that you can feel as though you're part of the group just sends out the statement that you don't have a mind of your own and that you can't make your own decisions. Which basically says that you are nothing without the gang. Kinda pathetic when you think about it, you know, to have your existence defined by others. And to think that your ancestors fought hard so that you can have the freedom to decide how you want to live your life, and yet here you are putting it in the hands of others.

So You’re Single, SO WHAT?
There is absolutely nothing wrong in being single. Ok, so there are times when you’re feeling lonely and you have certain urges to ‘get it on’. But before you all give me that whole BS of “you’re happy coz you have the best boyfriend in the world”, let’s not forget that I too was single not too long ago. I definitely can see why people can get so depressed when they don’t have someone to love who’ll love them back. But instead of drowning yourself in self-pity and all that negativity, isn’t it better (and healthier) to channel all that bad vibe into something positive? Now that you’re single, isn’t it the best time to get to know yourself better? Improve areas you want to improve, you know, be a better you. Be the best you that you can possibly be. Do things that you’ve always wanted to do (learn salsa, go bungy jumping, etc). No one else can love you more than yourself. So it’s best to pack up on loads of self-love before you self-destruct.

Be comfortable in your own skin before you have someone else to look after. Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, if you bring all your insecurities, self doubt, lack of self esteem into a relationship, you are just going to ruin it. That one year I spent as a singleton, learning about myself, being comfortable in this skin I have no choice but to wear, has done wonders for me in my current relationship. Because I don’t have those issues to tackle anymore. Therefore I can concentrate on making this relationship work. That soul-searching journey was worth every single pain and joy because I’m truly in the best relationship ever.

Excuse me, the TV is on
When watching TV, the brain switches to autopilot mode, and your eyes and ears are basically glued to the idiot box. And well, most TV shows are programmed to reveal its message in due time. Therefore, i don't need to be bombarded with unsolicited comments and useless "facts" about a show i'm watching. Even if it's a show about dinosaurs and you're Dr. Ross Gellar, please please please keep your comments to yourself, thank you ver much.

Which leads me to another thing; don't bombard me with questions about every little thing in the show. If you'd only pay attention to it, i'm sure the answers are blatantly obvious. It IS the idiot box after all.

Can You Top This?
We all have our own specialities and skills, not to mention weaknesses. So when someone says that they've just done something amazing and unique, it's okay to congratulate them, be happy for them, be proud of them. But some ppl just can't take the fact that they're 2nd best, and so they just have to brag about something they've done, which has absolutely nothing to do with the matter at hand. Why must everything be about you? FYI: the world does not, i repeat, does not revolve around you.

And even weirder is when a friend says that they're having a crappy day (eg: they're sick, or they got fired, or God forbid someone close to them has left this world), some ppl can even turn that into something about them. For instance:

Friend: I'm so sick i think i'm dying.
"Some ppl": Oh. I chipped my nail polish. My life sucks the worst.

Can you say "Wtf???" I know i do, everytime this happens. Why can't you just be supportive in times like these? Do try to remember that there are other ppl in the world besides yourself. It will make you a better person. Maybe.

*this post was co-written with Big Fat Witch

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