Nov 27, 2005

10 Things I Hate About You

Scribbled by Perky |

Blame it on insomnia or pms, but lately I've been annoyed and irritated, even over the little things... and a bit too easily too. I usually don't give a fuck about most things simply because it's a waste of energy to get so worked up over something so little. That, and also because I'm lazy by nature. However, I have found myself increasingly wanting to just scream at people (imagine me choking someone with my feet on their chest, yelling "Why do you have to be so fucking annoying??!").Before I resort to judo-chopping someone's neck, I thought it would be best to vent on my blog.

10. The Number You Have Dialled Is Not In Service
It's perfectly normal that once in a while you dial the wrong number. It's really no surprise with mobile phones getting increasingly smaller that even stick-thin fingers could dial two digits at once. Usually when some stranger dials my number by accident, I would forgive them and just move on with my life. It's when they constantly call me a few times later that it really gets on my nerve. Here's an example of how I would tackle this problem:
(First time) Hey hey hey answer the phone.. bidibidibedebup (please excuse my ringing tone)
Female Caller: Can I speak to william?
Perky: I think you dialled the wrong number.
Female Caller: Sorry. (hangs up)

(Second time) Hey hey hey answer the phone... bidibidibedebup
Perky: Hello.
Pesky Female Caller: Eh it's you again.
Perky: Of course it's me. You dialled my number. Again.
Pesky Female Caller: How could that be?
Perky: Gee, I don't know. Have you tried dialing the right number?
Pesky Female Caller: Then is this 012-xxxxxxx?
Perky: No. But here's a tip. Look at the numbers real carefully the next time you dial.
Pesky Female Caller: Are you saying I'm stupid?
Perky: No, you said that. But then again, I'm not the one who can't dial numbers.
Pesky Female Caller: Rude bitch! (hangs up)

(Third time & you're out!) Hey hey hey answer the phone... bidibidibedebup
Perky: Hello, rude bitch speaking.
She's Just Asking For It: Damn. It's you again.
Perky: Hmm.. you're bad with numbers aren't you?
She's Just Asking For It: (in a piss off tone) I'm looking for william but why do I keep getting you?
Perky: (very irritated) I don't know how to tell you this but william doesn't want to talk to you. As a matter of fact we've been seeing each other for quite some time and he's leaving you for me. Sorry. (hang up)

Yeah, I know I could've wrecked a happy home by doing that. There are many ways to handle this situation, but some people are such dumbasses they're just asking for it. Though I am partly at fault for acting immaturely about it.

9. People Who Just Don't Get It
CluelessAnother phone related incident. You know when someone calls you and asks if you're free to talk and you answer that you're in the middle of something but that person doesn't get it and goes on talking? I mean, why ask that question in the first place? And you try to excuse yourself by dropping hints, such as "I'm having dinner now and I've got food in my mouth, so I can't really talk" or "I'm with my boyfriend now and we want to be alone" (yeah, this one's a lie but it's suppose to work!). I could be a total bitch by hanging up or simply not answering my phone when it's unconvenient for me to talk. But the last time I didn't answer my phone when a friend called, I missed the opportunity to get free concert tickets to Alicia Keys. And who knows what emergencies could pop up, such as someone's gone into labour or Brad Pitt just happens to be in town.

8. Saturday Night Fever
It's understood that if we're at a club and I've had some drinks and I just happen to be dancing with you, then take it as that. We're just dancing. Don't go thinking that it'll lead to us walking down the aisle in the near future and having lots of babies together. And if we happen to be dancing real close and I'm holding on to you, baby, that's because I'm piss drunk and I can't stand on my own. If I happen to be whispering sweet things into your ears, that's because I'm seeing someone else's face and I really miss him and those are things I wish to say to him.
In other words, don't take me seriously when I'm under the influence. What happens in the club, stays in the club.

7. Taking My Blog Too Seriously
My blog is an exaggeration of the truth. It is not a diary nor is it a biography. If you want to know the real me, then this is not the place. We should meet up for coffee or write emails to each other. I mean, come on people. Do you really think I could judo-chop someone's neck with my tiny hands? First of all, most people are too tall for me to judo-chop and secondly, I would not risk hurting my musically gifted hands. With that said, however, please don't stop the hate mails or your phone calls trying to convince me to return to the path of righteousness. If you did, I wouldn't have anything to blog about.

6. Piece of Meat
I was walking along Jalan Ampang today, heading towards the LRT. It was such a perfect day to walk, so I took my time. I was wearing a singlet (non-cleavage bearing) and jeans, you know, just casual wear. I knew I was going to be doing some walking, so I had my cap on. Jalan Ampang has a lot of foreigners as there are a lot of embassies there. As I was enjoying my stroll, this white dude comes up to me and asks me how much was my service. Now this is not the first time someone's come up to me and asks for a fuck. But it does make me wonder, do I have the word "Prostitute" tattooed on my forehead? Can someone please help me solve this puzzle? Is it the way I walk? Well, it certainly can't be the way I dress. For crying out loud, I didn't even have makeup on me!

5. Cutting The Line
Don't you just love it when you've lined up for a good 10 minutes and when it's your turn to place an order, someone else just cuts right in front of you? I also hate people who stands real close to me when I'm queueing up. It's like as if they're pushing you with their body, indicating that they're in a rush. There's really no point in pushing me forward because for as long as the cashier is entertaining the person in front of me, there's no way that queue is going to move any faster. I've even suggested the person who was pushing me to just take off with their goods (yes, it's call stealing). If they're in such a rush that they can't wait for their turn to pay, then they should make a run for it. I even offered to distract the guards' attention by flashing them my tits.

4. Nosey Pesky Readers
This one is directed to the person who's reading over my shoulder as I draft this post on my mobile PDA phone. I'm blogging, you nosey motherfucker. Yes, I have a cool phone and I can type reasonably fast on the mobile keyboard. And I have nice fingernails coz I just had a manicure. Cute aren't they? Oh now you're staring at my face. Yeah, I know I'm pretty. It seems unfair that God spent a little more time on me when He created me. You liked that eh? No, you can't have my number.

3. Won't You Be My Girlfriend
There's always that warm fuzzy feeling when someone tells you they like you a lot. But that's not to be mistaken with having the same sort of feelings towards the said person. If I've said no the first time, most likely the answer is still going to be no the second, third, fourth time. Unless if someone hits me with a bulldozer and alters my state of mind, please stop fantasizing about us being a couple. I don't know why anyone would wanna be in a relationship with me considering how crazy my mind is most of the time. Don't even lay down your proposal of the pros and cons of entering a relationship with you. I'm not a business deal for you to seal. You don't have to point out that you're a great guy, or how funny you are, etc etc because I already know that. I just can't tell my heart to do what it doesn't want to do, what it won't do.

2. The Reluctant Peacemaker
Friends have the habit of running to me when they're having relationship problems. Why would you turn to someone who's screwed up most of her relationship? I don't know. However, being the true friend that I am, I can never turn away a friend in need. Girlfriends tend to complain about their boyfriends. Perfectly normal. But if your boyfriend treats you like crap, beats the shit out of you coz it makes him high, you should leave him. As a matter of fact, I've repeated that over and over and over and over again. But if you're not going to take my advice the first two times, maybe you shouldn't be running to me when there's problem in paradise. What's the point? You don't listen to me, you use up all my tissue paper and you don't throw them in the waste bin. If you choose to be in a rotten relationship, then you should just shut up and take it like a man. I'd still be your friend, just don't complain about that fucker anymore. Or I'd start beating the crap out of you.

1. Birthday Wish
My birthday's coming up! You know what that means. GIFTS! From previous years many have gotten me the wrong gifts, such as photo frames, makeup kits, jewellery, books, etc. Please get me something useful that I will appreciate and not chuck away in my closet. If you're gonna get me a cool techno gadget, please make sure you know how to use it too coz I'm bad with all these gadget stuff and I suck at reading manuals. Heck, I didn't know how cool my phone was until someone showed me some cool functions I didn't know I had. If you're gonna get me chocolate, please get me the ones with wine or rum in it. Though I'm not fussy about my chocolates, once a year please spoil me. If you're planning to get me a stuff toy, please get me a beanie pig. You should know I have a fascination with pigs. If you wanna get me liquor, I only take wine. I take wine to help me sleep at night. Vodkas, gins, whiskey will only fuck me up. If you're planning to take me out for dinner, please don't take me to a vegetarian restaurant. Last but not least, I welcome all sex toys.

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10 Your say:

Roy said...

Title :10 Things I Hate About You.

no 7: I think are directing that post to some unlucky guy who happens to read your blog most of his boring life.

no 6: no ofering u some cash for the fuck then. So it's a free one night stand? with u having multiple orgasms that night ......... "leave me a message perky"

no 1: Happy birthday Dear Perky. will jules get u any "toys" this year? what colour dildo do you want this year? or a vibrating dildo? an ass pocker? or u just want my dick inn u for ur birthday.

p/s: i am writing this comment due to the current influence of porn movies.

Anonymous said...

Oh my my aren't we in a feisty mood this week?

no. 7 - try being straightforward 'i can't talk now' instead of the more polite subtle way.

no. 8 - hey you're refering to that mr desperate you danced with on friday night rite? oh and to thihnk he showed some potential. he was hot but yeah desperate. you tend to have that effect on men darling ;)

no. 7 - judochopping someone's neck? hmm it DOES sound like you! hahaha. *sunday sarcasm*

no. 6 - darling, haven't you notice what a package you are? big tits, cute ass, a little bit on the skinny side for my liking though, oh and the face certainly puts some fantasy into a man's groin (or mind. heheh). doesn't matter what you wear. you could wear rags and still look hot ;)

no. 5 - i beat you on this one!! i scolded that damn ho' before you had the chance! hehe.

no. 3 - ok, i get it. will not ask you ever again. hahaha ;) but pls consider moving on k. it won't do you any good holding on to something for too long. *hands up in defense. don't judochop me!* er vodka? :)

no. 2 - we all know who that stupid biatch is. yeah, i'd hit her too.

no. 1 - i'm getting you a gigolo!!

p/s: and who is this roy guy? he sounds like a sex craving maniac.oh then again so are all the guys around you. hahaha. *don't judochop me!*

none other than,

alex said...

no 8: i take half the responsibility for introducing that loser to you. but hey, you were the one who said he was hot.

no 6: hmm prostitute tattooed on your forehead? i think it was your ridiculously huge tribal tattoo that attracts men. it's like a homing beacon for sex maniacs. lol!

no 3: wow i really felt a sting there :(

no 1: looks like you won't be celebrating your bd this year since you've got that glamourous gala dinner to manage huh? but is the whitewater rafting trip on?

Perky said...

Hehe.. u know, no 7 wasn't directed at u. It was directed to a girl who keeps messaging me thru friendster, going on about how shocked she was with my 'social activities'. i just don't get it. i have a comment link for ppl to use but they won't use it. lol.
Hahaha! I hope it's the porn movies that's influencing you, and not some alcoholic beverages. You're a closet drinker eh? ;) j/k.

Yeah man, dat mr desperado is really getting on my nerves. i don't konw how he got my number but he did and he just would not go away.
Make another remark about my tits and i am going to judo-chop your neck! lol! i've been watching austin powers too many times.
I know i gotta move on. Being the snail that i am, it's going to take some time. I just need you all to back off and gimme some space. I'll come around when the time is right.
I actually feel bad for writing no 2.
A gigolo? Cool!! He's gotta have 'em lower back muscles (or dimples as u would call them) and hip muscles. Major turn on, babes!

p/s: Roy is my homeboy & he's cool. If u're a paedophile & into pretty boys, roy is the man! =) lol!

Yeah dude, only you could find another pathetic soul in the club. hey man, everyone looks hot once u've had some drinks u know. lol! but that was a good night.
u're not the first to say that about my backpiece. that's so freaky.
& u know i meant no. 3 with a lot of love, right bro? ;)

WHITEWATER RAFTING IS ON!!! 10th december. book your date. we're gonna go caveing after that too!! WOOHOO! can't wait.

Anonymous said...

10. I worked as Telemarker for a month... It comes close.. I hate customer support people (the ones you get after holding the phone for grrr min).. cause they hardly suppot me:P

9. "I'm with my boyfriend now and we want to be alone" uhu... jucy juicy :D hehe jk

8. Don't take me serious if I am drunk. Blah.. too many incidents coming to my brain blah :p

7. blog.. umm atleast you dont change blogs as often as I do. :D

6. hehe no comments. where were ur judo skills mate?

5. Yeah ... I hate who cuts line.. but I like to cut line when I can so when noone looking hehe.. me selfish :)

4. hehe I was laughing so much..

3. "Won't You Be My Girlfriend": :P .. Sorry already taken :D hehe.. well.. we all are humans. To err is human.

2. Yes. same happens w me. Friends come to me for everything. Hello.. does anyone even know how terrible emotional my life story is??? ehy ehy.. sucks.. only if I had someone who could solve my life problems

1. Wish you a very happy Bday. :) May all your wishes come true.. except the one that says " Kill Shaggy" hehehe

Danny said...

Hi hi hi! Don't know if you remember me but we met at the club last Friday. Alex introduced us. Dan the Man? We dance for quite a bit. Ring a bell? Hehehe. Anyway you were pretty wasted when we met. I got your add from Alex. Pretty cool blog you got there lady.

Anyway just come to say hi hope I get to see you more (when you're less drunk n more sober). You look like the kind of girl who fun to be friend with.

p/s: shake you're body like a bellydancer... btw, you're pretty hot ;)

Dan the Man.

Anonymous said...

On this memorable 30th November, i just wanna say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PERKY!!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU (like He hasn't done enough already :P).

with lots of huggies & kissies,

Aidwin said...

Happy Birthday Lydd!

Perky said...

Hey welcome back!! havent seen u at my blog for quite some time.
i don't think anyone should b taken seriously when they're drunk, eventhough they say that the truth comes out when that person is drunk! hehehe.
hmm... y do u change ur blogs so often? hard to keep track.
I think it's easier to solve other people's problem than ur own coz ur not part of the equation. hehe.
Thanks thanks thanks! getting older is can b so much fun =)

Dan the Man? (wtf?!):
Dan... the Man? the Man?! LOL!! who on earth goes around calling himself THE MAN? hehee. Sorry dude. I really don't remember you.

Vonne & aidwin:
Thanks a lot babes!!! mwaks!

Perky said...

Hey peeps, just wanna let u all know I'm gonna be away for quite a while. Duty calls. But keep the msg flowing & I'll get back to you soon. Have a great weekend all!