I'll be going back to my hometown tomorrow morning. I've decided to take a really huge step and I'm just gonna go for it. If it works out fine in the end, then great. But if it doesn't, I guess I'll be fine too. Afterall, it's about time that I move on with my life. This post should've been up last week, but I just got caught up in the excitement of taking this risk. I've been rehearsing my conversation with him in my head and frankly, I'm prepared for the worst.

I was going through what little CD collection that I have and just going through some of it really brought me back to my past life. Most memories were good but some... I'm just gonna leave you guys with the list of songs/band that has stuck with me since I can remember (This list is in no particular order. Feel free to share your own list of songs.)

Bon Jovi
I was introduced to the great world of Bon Jovi by my cousin, Hakim, while I was staying in London with his family. Whilst having our wrestling match in his bedroom (I do realize how wrong that sounds, but seriously, it really innocent. serious!), I heard this rock music playing in the background. I think I was only 9 or 10 at that time, but I was blown away by it. "What is this music?", I asked him. "The sweet sound of Bon Jovi". He went to his table and showed me a cassette cover (the old days where everything was big and square and analog). On the cover said "Bon Jovi - New Jersey". Ever since then I was hooked and never turned my back on Bon Jovi. Although Bon Jovi would always remind me of a particular someone, their music always made those memories somewhat bitter sweet and a little bit more bearable.

Queen
Another great joys of living in England is you're constantly being exposed to great music. Not that I'm saying anything bad about the music scene in Malaysia. I have my dad to thank for introducing me to Queen. It was their Greatest Hits that got me really hooked on to them. Even at such a young age I was mesmerized by the great talent of the late Freddie Mercury. I could go on forever about Freddie and how he influenced my appreciation for music. I was just overwhelmed by how detailed he wrote his music and by his energy that I could just weep because never have I felt so musically satisfied. Does that make any sense? I don't know how else to put it. And when I watched Queen's live concert on TV, I was completely blown away. How the hell does Freddie sing in perfect pitch without any feedback monitors? How was he able to hear himself sing with the crowd so overwhelmingly loud? What's more amazing was that he only had a Grade 4 in piano (he definitely puts many 'accomplished' musicians to shame), and yet he was able to produce really great and complex music. This man was truly a music genius, prodigy and incomparable, irreplacable. I always thought that when I grew up I would love to meet Freddie in person and it was a dream to catch Queen live in concert but sadly, he passed away on November 24th, 1991.

Guns N Roses
Guns N Roses really brought out the rocker in me. My bro (again, I have to thank him for this) had perhaps all the Guns N Roses cassettes back then. And I would sneak those cassettes into my room and listened to them without his knowledge (I don't know if I was ashamed of liking rock music that much back then or if I was ashamed that my bro & I had more things in common than I like to admit). I would learn their lyrics and played air guitar whenever Slash played his solo. Oh how I used to hold a comb in my hand and do the Axel signature move and sang along.

Green Day - Dookie
When I was in Form 3, my *ex and I (before we ever got together) weren't talking to each other due to a third party screw up. I had wanted to talk and be friends again because I truly did miss him company. Afraid of being ignored and partly due to pride, I decided that I wouldn't be the first one to apologise. It was around this time that Green Day emerged into the music scene and I was one of the first few who really digged their music. I went for my usual Taekwon-Do training and I had brought along the Dookie cd. I owe a lot to Green Day for this album because my *ex came up to me, unexpectedly, and asked if he could borrow it. Under normal circumstances, I would've told the dude who hasn't been speaking to me in a long time & all of the sudden wants to borrow stuff to just fuck off, but these aren't normal circumstances. Plus I had a huge crush on him by then and my knees just got weak every time he was around. Like a starving dog that's just been thrown a bone, I handed over my precious Dookie cd to him. That was the beginning of a very wonderful relationship. Although he lost my precious CD, I don't hate him for it (as you all know, there were other, much bigger things to hate about him). But even to this day, that album still has the same effect as it had when I first listened to it.

Nirvana
If there was one thing I'm proud of my brother is that he has great music sense (not much music talent himself, but he's got good ear for music. Thank God!) He was the one who introduced Nirvana to me. Mind you, back in the early 90's, the pop scene has corrupted the minds of young girls and boys. Luckily, I managed to get away from all that (which was kinda hard to do considering the friends I had in high school. Even my bestfriend got sucked into that whole pop thing). I was madly in love with Kurt Cobain and like many girls in love with her idol, I too thought that I would marry him. It was actually because of Nirvana that I eventually picked up the guitar at 14. Kurt died on April 1994 and I was on my way to school when I heard the news. I cried uncontrollably for 2 hours straight and all my friends thought I had broken up with some guy. When I somewhat manage to form words in my mouth, I told them that Kurt had died. It broke my heart some more that none of them knew who Kurt was, including my bestfriend. But fastforward to a few years later, they all picked up Nirvana and they get a good teasing from me about how late they were to pick it up. Strangely enough, Kurt became bigger than he ever was when he was alive.

Bee Gees - To Love Somebody
I've always loved Bee Gees because it was the music that was played in my house when I was growing up. But when I hit my teens, Bee Gees held a different kind of meaning to me. My first love experience, my first make out session with my first real boyfriend had Bee Gees playing in his room. He was such a romantic back then. The song To Love Somebody was our song. I got all teary eyed when he sang that song for me (although he didn't sing a key in tune and no, i didn't get teary eyed from the bad singing, it's the thoughts that count). Then came the time when I had to go off to study in the big city, we kept in touch via email. I appreciated his effort of emailing me because he was such a computer illiterate and he would take forever to type a sentence. In one of his emails he actually typed out the entire To Love Somebody (although he could've just Copy & Paste, but he didn't know that trick). Never has anyone overwhelm me with so much love before and I doubt that anyone else could.

Dire Straits - Romeo & Juliet
Never did I thought in a million years that I would fall in love again so soon after leaving my first love. But there was something about Mr Bozo that completely took me off guard. I remember the first time we talked. We were in the same class in pre-u. Before the class started I was eating a Crunchie bar. Everyone knows I'm a selfish bitch when it comes to chocolate. Out of nowhere this dude comes up to me and asks if he could have the rest of my Crunchie. What the f...? What was strange was that I became dumbfounded and like as if I was in the presence of royalty I handed over my Crunchie without saying a single word. And like a John Woo movie, I watched him walk away with my prized possession. Anyway, I don't know what was going through this guy's head but he just kept bugging me everyday and one day we sat together in class. Soon we were seen together everywhere. One day during class he scribbled something on my notepad. I can't do the talk... like the talk on the tv... and I can't do a love song... like the way its meant to be... I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you... can't do anything except be in love with you. I still keep that note. He told me that he wrote that poem for me but I ain't nobody's fool. I recognised it instantly as I'm a huge fan of Dire Straits. He got a good round of mockery from me but he made up for it. I knew I was falling for him hard as he had all the qualities I ever wanted in a man. Unfortunately for me, he only saw me as a sister and we had this really great platonic relationship. We would playfully hug and kiss each other but after a while, the game turned into a real thing for me. Then he hooked up with another chic and that was the first time a guy ever made me cry. But Romeo & Juliet would always bring me back to the time when I was the happiest with the man of my dreams.

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