Sep 29, 2005

Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

Scribbled by Perky |

Being a woman is tough especially in this day and age. And my journey to womanhood has definitely been a rollercoaster ride, given the fact that I act and think more like a guy. I could write about how I enjoyed wrestling with the boys rather than learning how to put makeup on as a girl, but then again, that could just be me having anger management issues. I also could write about how my mom has constantly nagged at me on the fact that I am a girl for the past 20+ years of my life. But then again, maybe that's just me loving to piss my mother off. For me, learning to be comfortable as a woman is a day-to-day struggle itself.

I Don't Trust Anything That Bleeds for 5 Days and Doesn't Die
Oh Lord... I completely freaked out when I first got my period. I didn't even know that I was having it. I thought I was sick and for some reason I must've soiled my panties or something. And I was too embarassed to ask my parents. It wasn't until the next day when I was alone at home with my sis that I decided to 'seek' help. Being the drama queen that I am, I ran to my sis (younger sis, that is, since she is the only other female sibling that I have), almost in tears and saying that I might be bleeding to death and I couldn't stop it. She, being the sick twisted one in the family, laughed her head off. "Oh you're having your first period", she said excitedly. Period?? Yeah, I've heard of them and I don't think I like them at all.

She then takes me to our parents' room and took out a period pad from mom's closet and handed them over to me. "And what am I suppose to do with this?", I asked. "Well, you wear it silly!", was her reply. Right... so I proceeded to the bathroom. With the period pad in one hand and fresh new panties in the other, I realized... I had absolutely no idea on what to do. Then suddenly, I knew. Like as if a light bulb had suddenly lit itself up in my head, I knew exactly what to do. I took my dirty panties off first. Then I opened the period pad and took off its stickers. Oh what a genius I am. And then I stuck the period pad on my crotch and wore my fresh new panties over it!

Hmm... this really doesn't feel comfortable. "Erm... this really feels uncomfortable, B", I shouted to my sister who was waiting for me anxiously outside the bathroom like as if I was trying on a new dress. "How come?", she asked me back. "The period pad is really sticking to my crotch!!" (poor girl. She doesn't have a clue on how bad having periods can be) "You were suppose to stick the period pad on the panties, not your crotch, stupid!" Yeah, that makes more sense.

The reason why I was too clueless about the whole thing was because my mom never sat me down for them girl-to-girl talks. And my teachers certainly didn't teach us how to wear period pads in school. So yeah, it's their fault. Not mine.

Mountains Growing Out of My Chest!
Flower Power!I remember in my early teens how my girlfriends would get real excited when buying their first bra. We'd all gather in a circle, telling each other's experiences and showing off our new bras. At that point of time, I was the one who didn't have anything to say or show because I didn't fill out til I was 14. I used to be so jealous because they all had fancy bras to show off while I was still stuck in my boring singlet. And one day they just grew. When tiny peaks started showing, I dragged my mom to go bra shopping. My very first bra. Oh how I can't wait to go to school the next day to brag to my girls.

Skater chics in tank topsI thought the growing would stop. I was happy with my tiny peaks because they were practical. I realized that bras ain't the most comfortable thing in the world to wear and I still preferred my boring singlets over them. But by the time I reached 16 I was already a C cup. Most girls would be glad to have such assets but I'm not most girls. I skated a lot back in high school and was caught up in the whole tank top and baggy pants phase. I had to bind my breasts when I skate so that they won't pop out of my tank top when I jump or suddenly find the need to fall on my ass.

Another thing that sucks about being a C cup is boring bras. I honestly believe that the lingerie shops here have some sort of prejudice against the C cuppers because only the A's and B's get the cute & fun bras. The C's and the D's get the grandmother designs. I cannot say how many times I've been frustrated when I find a really really cute bra that is not of my size.

Boys, Boys, Boys
I've always been 'one of the guys' since, like, forever. So it was real awkward for me when I suddenly find myself developing certain feelings towards a boy I used to kick his ass in Taekwon-Do (it was easier back then because he hadn't had his growth spurt and we were the same height.. gone were the days...). My first real crush was Bart. And when I started seeing him in a different view, I didn't know how to deal with it. This was the guy that I'd play the farting game with for crying out loud. And suddenly I was embarrassed to do the things we did together. And then I started acting all weird with him and things went bad for both of us. We fought with each other constantly, pushing each others' buttons, drove each other mad, then everything would be ok again, and the next week we'd be fighting again. There was actually a time when we completely ignored each other for a year.

I never found out if he ever did have a crush on me (not that that matters now) but I'm real proud of where our friendship is today and I know that all the fightings we had contributed to that. If there was one person who really knows the girl behind the mask, who loves me despite all my shortcomings, who believes in me, it would be Bart. He truly is, my brother from a different mother.

These days I'm a little bit more comfortable being someone's girlfriend. When it's time to play the girlfriend part, yeah I'll put on that dress and act all girlie. But once in a while, when he's not looking, I'll hog the tv control and swtich to the sports channel to watch footie and curse like all men do when watching football.

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6 Your say:

A Year said...

you are just so perfect :) Are u sure you are committed hehehe :D . Just jocking. Wish you all the best

Perky said...

me perfect? hahaha! did u not read the post? as a boy, yeah i'd be perfect. but i really suck at being a girl. hahaha!
me committed? lol! like what p diddy say "aint nobody gonna hold me down!!"

A Year said...

well... perfect qualities u wouls want in a gf ;)

Perky said...

hmm.. didn't know u wanted to date a boy!!! lol!!!
i think that'll be my 2006 new year's resolution: be more girlie!! ;)

A Year said...

Thank u Perky

Himu said...

moutains...hehe :) you dont have mountains.. you have Himalyas :D