Oct 5, 2008

Where Can I Buy a Detachable Penis?

Scribbled by Perky |

Men. You men have got it easy, don’t cha? Apart from the worries of making a good earning and making sure your hair stays on your head til you’re at least 40 years old, it’s pretty much smooth sailing for you guys. No PMSes, no getting pregnant, no need to spend hours buying bras and shoes...

Do I look bald if I comb my hair like this?

Now I’m not going to complain about whatever “hardships” the other ladies have been shouting about for the last hundred years or so. Apart from what I call my “Monthly Split Personality Disorder” (or commonly known as PMS) and the subsequent bleeding following my disorder, I quite like being a girl. And you’d be amazed how far a wink and smile can take ‘ya.

But (oh yes there’s a but) there are times, just certain times, where I just feel that being a girl is so inconvenient.

Such as when going on road trips. This is when I wish I had a penis, or at least a detachable one.

So when my family tells me that we’re going to drive to my grandma’s in Sibu, the first thought that comes to my mind is,”Should I invest in some adult diapers for this trip?”

I've tried peeing standing up in the past... didn't work out well for me, though...

Hey, this is a 5-6 hours drive and my dad’s Ford Ranger ain’t exactly the most comfortable vehicle to ride in especially if you’re seated in the back. Plus the highways in Sarawak ain’t like the ones we have in Semenanjung where there are PROPER rest stops every 15km or so. Here you only see civilization like every 2 hours. Most of the time it’s jungle, jungle and oh, more jungle.

This becomes a problem to me because I have very small bladder. Plus, my past 3 experiences having UTI has taught me that I should never ever hold my pee too long. So it becomes a juggling act for me: Do I really want to drink this much? ... I'm thirsty, I'll just take a sip or 2. .. How far is the next rest stop?... Crap, I really need to go!

I don’t have a major problem going into bushes to relieve myself. I’ve done that many times in the past. It’s just that it’s pretty uncomfortable because I have to squat down. Problem with squatting in the bushes is having sharp grasses poke you in places that should only evoke the sense of joy, not pain.

Also, I tend to get paranoid when squatting in bushes for fear of snakes. I don’t want to be a headline in some freaky tabloid newspaper that reads “Girl’s Privates Eaten by Snake”. So it would take me about 20 minutes of convincing myself that there’s no snake before I’d be able to pee comfortably.

So every time we pass by a car or a motorbike stopping by the roadside and I see a guy taking a leak, my eyes are just filled with envy.

If only they sell the she-pee-funnel at the local pharmacy store...

So I want a penis. I want to be able to go whenever and wherever I am, damnit.

If you've enjoyed this post, please subscribe to my blog.

10 Your say:

Anonymous said...

very funny thing

bintang4 said...

Hmmm..interesting fact. to be more specific, what size do you intend to have..hahahaaa

samantha a.h @ wen said...

hey i wonder if they still sell the paper funnel thingy in watson? I've nvr tried it b4 since it's paper...takut leak la kan, then pants basah lagi malu

Mlle Linie said...

lol.. i hate peeing in the grass too.. im more worried of small thingies crawling up than snakes.. cause u'll nvr know.....

i am small-thingies-phobic i guess...

lyana said...

er, I think there's a device like this for concert-goers. mmmm.

Twilight Zone said...

Perky - Men couldn't be uglier when urinating. When overcrowded & impatient, they just pee into all the washbasins infront of everyone! Just because their hose is handy & showpiece. LMAO! Sick men.... ooooo

budleee said...

owh come on perky

you know you love spending hours and hours shopping for bra's and shoes :D

Perky said...

Hmm... not so funny when I was in the car having to hold my pee & praying that we'd reach the next reststop soon ;)

Well, since it's a detachable penis, I suppose it's only fair that it comes in all sorts of sizes, like a resizeable detachable penis ;)

samantha a.h @ wen:
Paper funnel? Yalah... if leaking, sendiri will malu. Next time I go to watsons I cari this thing & testing at home ;)

Mlle Linie:
Hmm... u have a point there. But I suppose for me, if I can't see it, then it's ok.

If I go to a concert, I'll be wearing diapers. It's either that or I don't drink at all ;) No way will I use the mobile toilets there. Eeew!

Twilight Zone:
Hehehe... or you could just pee on the wall outside the pub (i've seen my guy friends doing that while I prance around looking for a toilet). But hey, at least you've relieved yourself rite? Hahaha!

Of coz dear! What girl wouldn't ;)

honkeie2 said...

I have made peeing a special part of everywhere I go. I have peed on, around, or in almost every place I have ever been to. I peed off the balcony of a cruise ship, took a tinkle in times square, and even drained the trouser snake on a national monument that I will never admit to. I love being able to pee standing up, sorry you have to suffer from the dangers of squating.

Perky said...

Lol! U konw what.. I'd probably do that too if I could! Hehehehe