Apr 15, 2006

I Have Made My Peace

Scribbled by Perky |

I'm pretty sure that everyone has something they have hated since they knew what hate is. Or until they've been brainwashed by the masters of lighting and touch-ups, otherwise known as magazines. So much effort has been made to achieve perfection that it has been deemed ok to fool the public that hey, women are suppose to have fat-free figures. We had to have a certain look to be beautiful, to fit in this society that no longer appreciates the old fashion 'curves'. Surprisingly enough, although skin-and-bones may look pretty, most guys prefer women with flesh.

Some people have fantastic asses (Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria... wow!), while others really should consider getting an ass job (Paris Hilton). My ass used to be what they called baby-smooth but firm ass (thanks to all that workout and training). You could not even find a single stretch mark or cellulite on it. However, age caught up or metabolisme slowed down (take your pick). I had put on a considerable amount of weight when I first moved to the big city (in other words I stopped working out). And slowly muscle turned to flab, flab turned to fat, and fat into cellulite.

I was happy with the much needed extra 'meat', that is until this guy whom I had a serious major crush on commented how fat I was. Hurt but eager to please him at the same time, I decided to lose all that weight.

So Weight Lost: 1, Stretch Marks: 1.

It wasn't that bad a couple years back, but like I said, perhaps due to ageing, it has progressed even more. On top of that cellulite has been making a home in my ass. All this has made me even more concious about my posterior, making it really hard for me to be 'intimate' with guys.

I finally mustered the courage to let my partner see my 'sacred' behind and waited for the dreaded "Oh my God! What Is That?!?" or "That's the ugliest damn thing I've ever seen. Hide it now! Hide it now before you blind me!" reaction. The stress level was so high that if I had relaxed for even a bit, I would've let out a fart.

Instead, he said, "Looks fine to me".
I stared at him in disbelief. "Do you not see this?!?" I pointed at the marks that have scarred my ass.
"Yeah. But I've seen worst."
Is that suppose to make me feel better? You dare compare my ass with others? Would you like a pen and paper to take down notes?
"But look!" I adamantly pointed at the cellulite on my ass. How could he possibly miss that?!? Do you need a magnifying glass?
"You have an ass, it's fine and I like it."
Huh? Whatever.

Stretch marks - checked
Cellulite - checked
Bite marks from vision-impared boyfriend - checked. checked. and checked.

Although the above would've been the actual reason why I've finally made peace with my not-so-perfect ass, well actually... I saw an ass that was much, much worst than mine!! *tilts head back and does her evil laugh* So mine ain't so bad afterall.

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10 Your say:

sharon said...

:D and i thought i was obsessed.

Anonymous said...

AS a guy I can just make one remark. Girls with skinny feature looks so odd and not girlfriend type. Cant explain!

Perky said...

Lol! Every girl becomes obsessed whenever it comes to asses and cellulite =) Even the skinny ones!

Oh Himu, I'm so glad that you find girls with 'curves' attractive! =)

Anonymous said...

bryan is so sweet lah. he really really does love you, so i think it's time you cast your insecurities aside.

hey do they manufacture guys like him in sarawak? if tey do i want one too!


p/s: anyone who overlooks your flaws (or loves it even) is definitely a keeper!

Anonymous said...

Well I didn't say attractive. Girls with hot features are great for a date but not great to have as gf. :-) For gf types, I rather prefer someone with a good heart than looks. And honestly sometimes some female friends of mine looks so skinny as if they need foods right now. Talking of which I need to gain weight too :p

sharon said...

hey lydia. you are such an amazing writer. it took me a couple of days to read your previous entries... i'm so thoroughly entertained. you one of the best contemporary writers i've come across. period. you keep it up girl. you have found yourself another fan. :) best wishes!

Perky said...

Nope, sorry darling. There's only one of his kind around =) I know he's a keeper. I ain't planning to let this one go *faham2 je lah...*

You're absolutely right. It's the heart that matters more than the looks. Afterall, there's only so much we can look at before we get bored huh?

Me an amazing writer? Haiyor... so many grammar mistakes left & right... hehehe. I can't believe you actually took time to read my past entries. Hehehe *utterly flattered* Really appreciate it. Thanks girl!
p/s: You should check out the blog by Kill The Goat. She's an even more amazing writer.

Anonymous said...

exactly. Every day we see so many looks. phew. A person is better as a human being when he or she has a soul not looks. But looks do count. Maybe like 1% and everything else 99%

apples said...

Whoa wait a minute!

Hurt but eager to please him(..)

He... you... and then...

A guy you had a crush on said you were fat? And instead of throwing him the hell outta there you wanted to please him?

I don't have any less body issues than anyone but if there's one thing I firmly believe it is that if I'm happy with my body, that's all that matters. We can all go around worrying about everything, and we all do, but it's just so liberating not to care. Being realistic but also confident.

After all, if there's someone who critisizes you for the things you are insecure about, that is not a person worth having in your life.

Perky said...

Well that was back in the day when I was so uncomfortable in my own skin... My friends call it the 'female complex issues'. Now that I'm older, wiser and know better, as long as i'm healthy i don't mind about certain body imperfections.

p/s: I'm so glad that my partner loves me even for my insecurities. I think he embraces them more than I do. hehehe. he's such a keeper =)