Sep 1, 2005

Being Human

Scribbled by Perky |

I met up with some old friends recently. Not that that's great news but the mere fact that these group of people bombarded me with compliments really scared the shit out of me. Not to mention, how uncomfortable I got. For those who know me, you know that I don't receive compliments very well. I'd always have something sarcastic to say. Example, a guy friend once complimented me on the way I dressed. So my reply to him was,"Well thanks. But I'm sure if you put on this dress too, you'd look pretty as well". Let's just say that he's stop paying compliments to me.

Honestly, I'd rather receive criticism than compliments because I believe that I can be a better person learning from my faults. What the heck am I suppose to do with compliments? It's not really useful if you look at the practical side of it. And if you get carried away (and we all know how easy it is to get carried away), you'll end up being cocky, arrogant, or a snob. Well, I'm already all three of that... but let's not make myself look worst. And if someone was to give me compliments on something, I'd rather have one because I truly deserved it. You know, something I worked hard on. For instance, (and I know this will never come true) cooking a great meal. A big no-no compliment for me would be the way I look. This kind of compliment makes me extremely uncomfortable. Why so? Because I didn't do anything to earn a face like this. Everytime someone comes up to me and tell me how pretty I am, my usual reply would be: "Tell that to God. He was the one who did all the work." Friends say that I'm being mean & I'm ungrateful for being so blessed. Some even say that I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and that I have insecurity issues. Perhaps you are right. But the way I see it, I'm just being practical. Tell me something I can improve so that I can be a better person, damn it!

So for all of you who think I'm some kind of perfect role model that you can look up to, just keep reading. You'd be surprised that I'm just as messed up as you.

Bad Habit 1: Drinking
I can't remember when I started drinking but I knew I loved it from the moment alcohol touched my lips. The only thing that sucks about drinking is that I get drunk real easy. It sucks big time coz I would be too drunk to have fun when everyone else was just getting started. I've often felt embarassed when friends would talk about the things I did when I was under the influence. Dancing on table tops, passing out in the toilet, making out with strangers, tripping over some 'invisible' chair... What's sad for me was that I can't remember any of this. For all I know, this whole story could've been fabricated. Afterall, we were all drunk. So you really can't take another drunk's word for it.

I love CocktailsThere was a time when I partied a lot. I remember getting drunk on Wednesday, Friday & Saturday nights. I felt shitty on Sunday and I would swear that that would be the last time I ever drank. For some strange reason, my brain forgets all the shittiness by Tuesday and by Wednesday, I'd hit the pub again. While all this drinking was taking place, I also had classes to attend to (I think I was in second year of uni if I'm not mistaken). Going to classes with a hangover is hard. Try going for your final exams with a bloody hangover. I could barely open my eyes in the exam hall, what more to say read the damn paper. My head was throbbing with pain everytime I tried to think. And it took every strength that I had to not throw up. The thought of me going to fail scared the shit out of me. The image of me getting disowned by my parents entered my thoughts. Perhaps it was still the booze talking. It was then that I decided I would drink no more. It didn't matter that I scored straight A's for that semester. I was done with drinking. Never will I go through waking up in my own vomit ever again. But then again, I just simply can't resist a glass of wine or two.

Bad Habit 2: Men
Back in my dating days, I would be what you call the female version of a male prick. A player, in general. I know I'm gonna sound like a total jerk saying this, but it was fun breaking hearts. But I was biting more than I can chew (not literally...). There came a time when I couldn't remember who I was dating in that one week. And the more guys I dated at once, the harder it got for me to keep my stories straight. It wasn't long before they all got suspicious. Call it a gift, or you can call it a curse, I actually managed to save my tiny ass and made the whole cheating thing look like it was their fault. I knew the Gods was watching me and I knew that Karma would come visit me soon. But I was cocky. I thought I was invincible to heartaches.

Marriage For Me?I was still madly in love with my high school sweetheart. So you can say that the other men were like side dishes. The more times I spent with him, the more in love I was with him. So much so that I was beginning to believe in the whole idea of being a one-man lady. The idea of spending the rest of my life with this man gave me a sense of security, it just felt right. Every time I looked at him, I would get butterflies in my stomach. Though he didn't satisfy me sexually, I was very happy. I learned what it was to give-and-take in a relationship. I felt more love from him than all the men I've been with combined (and times 10). But we all know that he cheated on me big time. So that's Karma for me. Eventhough I could return to being the player that I was, something inside me has changed; I'm not the same girl I was. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but I do want to spend the rest of my life with that special someone. Now that I know what being in love truly means, I just can't see how I'm gonna go through life alone.

Bad Habit 3: Smoking
Dunhill RedsI've been smoking since I was 15 years old. I started off with Marlboro Reds and when I turned 18, I switched to Dunhill Reds. I love tobacco. It goes well with coffee. And for some strange reason,the smell of a guy who just had a cig & coffee turns me on. I love my Dunhill Reds a lot. I only smoke lights/menthol only when I absolutely have to. I would actually get anxiety attacks if I don't smoke. I used to smoke a pack a day. But being an athlete and a musician requires great sacrifice. So I've cut down to 5 sticks a day. And sometimes I would smoke 10 sticks of Dunhill Lights a day. However, after watching "The Science behind Lance Armstrong", I realize I do want to be as fit as he is. Therefore, I really need to stop smoking completely. That is, if I can get my mind to bend to my will.

I've given up bad habits 1 and 2. Just leave me with this third one, ok.

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8 Your say:

Jay said...

I read this and think, wow, crazy, but then, I can't take a compliment either, so who am I to judge?

Anonymous said...

darling, hey you left out bad habit 4: smoking weed!
i don't see you giving up smoking. you'd be shaking violently n would most likely end up chopping someone's head for a fag.

vonne.

A true Virgo said...

yeep dont give up smoking.. It is so good for you health ; for instance:
* Smoking raises blood pressure, which can cause hypertension (high blood pressure) - a risk factor for heart attacks and stroke.
* Couples who smoke are more likely to have fertility problems than couples who are non-smokers.
* Smoking worsens asthma and counteracts asthma medication by worsening the inflammation of the airways that the medicine tries to ease.
* The blood vessels in the eye are sensitive and can be easily damaged by smoke, causing a bloodshot appearance and itchiness.
* Heavy smokers are twice as likely to get macular degeneration, resulting in the gradual loss of eyesight.
* Smokers run an increased risk of cataracts.
* Smoking stains your teeth and gums.
* Smoking increases your risk of periodontal disease, which causes swollen gums, bad breath and teeth to fall out.
* Smoking causes an acid taste in the mouth and contributes to the development of ulcers.
* Smoking also affects your looks: smokers have paler skin and more wrinkles. This is because smoking reduces the blood supply to the skin and lowers levels of vitamin A.
* Research has shown that smoking reduces life expectancy by seven to eight years.
* Cardiovascular disease is the main cause of death due to smoking.
* Smokers are more likely to get cancer than non-smokers.
* Smoking is the most common cause of COPD(Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease )and is responsible for 80 per cent of cases.

You can eat five portions of fruit and veg a day and exercise regularly, but healthy behaviour means little if you continue to smoke.

Sorry for such long spam type comments. As a friend, I just had to say :)

On a fun side, a friend of mine decided a few days back to quit smoking. He buys this quitting gum or whatever. Anyway, right after we get out of the shop, he lights another cigarrate... I ask him.. "WT?.. What was the use of buying it then?"
His reply "Oh forgot.,, No worries.. I will just have one after I have this cigaratte"

Hence it is easier to say to quit. But it needs bit of self control. I also used to smoke. I gave up. If you try, you can too :)

apples said...

As for you being gorgeous through no fault of your own - I'm afraid I'm just gonna have to hate you for a couple seconds...


Alcohol - I had a bad night out two weeks ago; getting drunk quickly and having black outs.. no good.

Men - what comes around, goes around.

Cigarettes - sweetie... no. Men who have just had a cigarette smell yucky. No turn on. Think car fumes. Yucky.

Perky said...

Jay:
I find it almost disturbing that we are almost alike. Hahaha! Like I've said before, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this.

Vonne:
I do not call smoking weed as bad habit. It's a hobby. Get your facts right, woman! ;P Lol!

Swagato:
Thanks for the advice. My dad's a professor in medicine, so I do know how cancer looks like & wat smoking does to your body, etc. But I love smoking too damn much to wanna give up. But thanks for the lonnngggg advice, pal.

Apples:
Lol! Now I find being hated for the way I look as a compliment. How weird is that?! hahaha!
Yeah, I completely believe in that whole "what goes around, comes around". I'm living through that one right now.
And I kinda like the smell of car fumes too. Does that make me strange? Well, at least my nose is. hehehe...

queue said...

NO, you've not given up drinking and men. I shall be the witness in the stand pleaseeeeeee.... :P

alex said...

I remember that one time I told you how nice you smelled and then you dragged me to jusco to the perfume's section. and then you picked the tester perfume and sprayed it all over me and said somethin like 'now you can smell just as nice'. I haven't paid you back for that one rite? You wait you..

You really should stop smoking. Smoking gives you wrinkles.

Why on earth do you want to quit drinking? You're so much fun drunk. who else can provide the much needed entertainment if not you darling? =)

Just when I thought you and I have a chance (come on. no point denying that you have the hots for handsome me ;))You quittin on men too?! Vonne got to you didn't she? That damn who'. She keeps stealing the chics!

enjoyable_payne said...

I've got to give it up for the Dunhill Reds. From the red and gold royal box to the ten by 2 layout, the calligraphy and coat of arms to the rich flavor. They are the cigarettes of royalty.