Jul 9, 2005

Driving For Dumbasses

Scribbled by Perky |

Driving to me is a passion, especially if the car is a stick-shift. I remember how I used to drag my then-boyfriend, Tim, for a drive on Sunday morning. Wind blowing in my face, cigarette in one hand, good company... that's all it took for a good drive. But these days, with the increased number of cars on the road, you're more than likely to find assholes or wannabe racecar drivers. I remember reading a quote from Michael Schumacher about how he himself (the numero uno F1 driver!) don't speed on normal roads because it's not only a danger to himself, but also to other drivers as well. I have exercised (and exhausted) the rights of showing my finger to rude drivers, I'm tired of cursing to stupid drivers who can't hear a damn word I say and honking don't seem to get the point across.

And lately there's been a lot of roadbully cases. Sometimes I wonder if it really is the bullies fault that he decided to whack some poor dude who's now lying in the morgue. Though I do sympathise with the victim, it does take two to tango. Perhaps the bully had a seen too many bad drivers that day, and he eventually snapped. I know I've been on the verge of whacking some random guy on the road too. And I'm sure this feeling isn't mutually exclusive. Though there is no excuse in beating a guy up, everybody has their breaking point. You just can't predict what a person is going to do when they snap. Scary, 'in it?

I'm not saying that I'm the world's perfect driver. How can one be perfect if driving is something subjective? There's so many variables involved when driving: weather, traffic, other drivers, etc. I don't deny that I do drive like an asshole sometimes. Hey I have a vagina and I bleed 5-days every month. Can you blame a woman for being crazy? But what's a man's excuse? Men always claim that driving should be done only by men because they're the better driver. Really? What makes them better? I don't think that just coz you know how to change a flat tyre or what a carburator is doesn't mean you're better. You just happen to know a lot of stuff. Btw, how often do you hear about a woman beating the crap out of someone on the road?

So I've actually taken some time to list down the guide to being a better, more considerate driver (hence the title of this post). I know I won't be waking up tomorrow in a world of polite drivers, but at least I'm trying something to make a change (Feel free to add your own thoughts at the comment section).

BEGINNERS
Where you Wanna Go, Dude?
Signal. Giving a signal is the most no-brainer part of driving. If you don't give your signal, how am I suppose to know where you wanna go? If your own boyfriend/girlfriend can't read your mind, how the fuck am I, a stranger, suppose to know what goes through your complex mind? If you can take the time and effort to honk/curse/cock-stare at another dumbass driver, I'm sure you can give your signal when you make a turn. All it takes is a flick of the finger, damn it. How hard can that be? If this takes too much brainpower from you, maybe you shouldn't be driving at all. Oh, and make sure you give ample time for others to see your signal (don't signal AND turn at the same time. Not everyone have Superman reflexes, you know).

Imagine this scenario: You're stuck at the junction and you wanna go right. There's oncoming traffic from both ways and you're wondering to yourself if you'll ever get out. You look left and it's a clear road. Oh, if only there's no more traffic from the right. Then this car from your right makes a turn into your road without giving any signal. Don't you get pissed off knowing that you could've gone if only you knew that dude was gonna turn?

Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Don't you just hate it when the driver in front of you drifts into your lane, and then drifts into the next lane, and then back into your lane? Or the driver in front of you occupies both lanes? Yeah, that pisses me off too, especially when the dude is driving real slow. I can't overtake from the left or the right. It drives me absolutely mad especially if the car in front of me is a compact/small car. Is it really that hard to stick to your own lane, I wonder? I've heard excuses about being worried if you're driving too close to the curb, and you're under the impression that your car is as big as a house (hence the need to take up 2 lanes).
First of all, stop making these excuses. Unless you're driving a truck or bus or an actual house, you should be ashamed of yourself for making up these excuses.

If you don't know how to estimate how much space your car takes, look at the car in front of you. If you're driving a compact car, and the car in front of you is a 4wd and that 4wd FITS in one lane, then yours will surely NOT take up 2 lanes. The easiest way to stick to your own lane is from looking at the lines when you drive. For right side drivers, look at the line on your right (Notice the line on the road? Yeah, that one...) You should be able to see those lines past your righthand side (vice versa for left side drivers). Really, this doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand.

I remember an incident where I was driving my friend's turbo engined car. Driving on a clear fast lane, I decided to boost the car (love the G-force!). We were passing by other cars in the middle lane at about 200km/h when out of the blue, this slow moving car from the left drifted into my lane. I had to jam on the breaks because on my right was the divider. Gave him an earful of honks and the finger but that didn't stop me from trembling and thinking of what could've happened.

Note: Please do not condemn me for driving at such speed. It was a CLEAR road in front. And besides, that wasn't the point!

Look Out!
Mirrors mirrors mirrors. Make use of your mirrors. You have 3 mirrors. Utilise them. They're there to serve a purpose: so that you can see who's behind you. I don't understand how some drivers can just switch lanes without looking in the mirror first. Just because I'm driving behind you, that doesn't mean I'm suppose to anticipate your next move. All it takes is a glance in the mirror to see if the road behind you is clear. You don't have to stare at it the whole day, you know.

I know that cars have blindspots too (the bigger the car, the more blindspots you have). Sometimes you look in the mirror, you don't see any car. And when you wanna switch lanes, a car behind you honks you and gives you the finger for not seeing
him come. It happens to all of us. To avoid all this, I usually look over my shoulders (look through the passengers window) just to double-check if the road is clear or not. I'd rather take these extra few seconds of steps than having to repair my car and suffer days (sometimes weeks) of having the car in the workshop.


ADVANCE DRIVERS
Hi Ho Silver!
So you think just because you can drive the car without having it stall on you, qualifies you as being a great driver eh? Yeah, egos running high especially when your friends think you're cool when driving really fast? I won't deny that I have a love for speed, but there is a time and place to speed. Does it make sense for someone to speed when traffic is moving slow? Where can you go when everyone's stuck in the jam? Yeah so you're late for your appointment. Maybe you should plan your journey better. The faster you go, the harder the impact. Remember Princess Di's car crash? That was a Mercedez. So if you're driving some car with a body not as solid as as the Merz/Volvo/BMW, you might wanna reconsider how fast you're going.

TailGating
Back in my younger days (before anger management and all that gus bla bla crap) I, too, was guilty of tailgating. I tailgate the car in front of me as a sign to make him go faster or get the fuck outta my way. But now that I'm older and less of a hot head, I see how dangerous it is to tailgate. Some people actually think that tailgating is cool. It's as if to show off to people how much balls you got.

I've encountered these fuckers before. I'm driving about 90km/h in the middle lane and this fucker tailgates me from behind. I look at the fast lane and it was clear. So I'm like,"Dude, the next lane is clear. Use that to overtake me, fool." Does he do that? No. It must be really hard for him to switch lanes eh. He was starting to get on my nerves. So I slowed down to about 70km/h. He's still tailgating me. So I occassionally stepped on the brakes just to fuck with his mind. I dare you to knock me. I dare you to knock this car. You're gonna spend the rest of your life paying for damages. And I'll get daddy's lawyers to haunt you day and night. Get use to your new shadow, fucker. That was equally dangerous as tailgating too. But he did get my point (so who's got more balls now, pussy?)

Obey the Colours
Kit and I have this on-going debate about yellow lights. I say that yellow lights mean you should slow down. Kit says that yellow lights tell him to speed up so that he doesn't have to wait for the next green light. If I can make it to the other side before the lights turn red, yeah, I'd floor it. But if the light turns red before I even get to the traffic light itself, then I'm just gonna slow down and wait for the next light. I've watched enough car crash tv shows to know what'll happen if I gamble with the lights.

COMMON SENSE
Drive Slow at Carparks/Residential Areas/Shopping Malls
Man I don't get drivers who speed up in these areas. There ARE reasons why those road bumps are there. It means slow down. Any driver with common sense know that they have to slow down when looking for a parking space. And seeing how some drivers can be so lost when driving at carparks (going the wrong way, can't make up their mind...), do you really think you should be driving at 100km/h there?

As for residential areas, do I have to explain about the kids? Children don't have the ability to judge for themselves (which is why we adults hold their hands when crossing the road). They have yet to understand how roads can be dangerous. So let's make the road a safer place by driving slower in residential areas. You knock a child, the world WILL hate you and WILL NOT hesitate to put you behind bars for life.

Do Not Invade My Personal Space
Parking. I can see how parking can be quite hard for some. I don't have any problems in parking a car. Parking a car is so much easier than cooking for me. But is it really that hard to make sure that you'd at least park inside your own parking space? Is it so hard to readjust your car so that you don't steal your neighbour's parking space? This infuriates me and always brings out the worst in me. I have scratched the greedy bastard's car, broken his side mirrors, leaving notes (first, politely. then firmly. finally, i resorted to vulgar notes), gave his car a new 'paint job'and frankly I'm getting too old to be vandalising things. Honestly,
if you can't park your own car, I think you shouldn't have one in the first place.

No Overtaking at Corners
Corners are blindspots. Do you really wanna gamble with unseen oncoming traffic? Wait for the straight road if you wanna overtake. Plus, you risk losing control of your car if you take corners too fast.

A friend of mine told me about how he saw a driver lost his life when he tried to pull off this maneuver. He was on his way to Sibu and had to pass this mountain side (lots of corners). The car in front of my friend got real impatient (he must've been late in getting laid) and wanted to overtake the car in front of him. Then out of the blue, this huge ass truck came from the opposite direction. The dude tried to swerve back into the lane but he lost control of the car and went off the ravine. Looks like he won't be getting laid anymore.

Do How You Want To Be Treated
If you don't like how other drivers don't signal when they wanna turn, then you should remind yourself to signal when YOU wanna turn. Don't be a hypocrite.

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4 Your say:

A true Virgo said...

I love to drive.. At USA, when I was bored or just sad, I used to take my car and drive wherever it took me.. I loved the feeling... blah... I need to buy a car when I get back to Australia

Jay said...

Wow, love the "common sense".
Also, of all the bad drivers I can think of, every one of them is a man.

Perky said...

true virgo:
Yeah I love to drive to, it's just that it sucks to drive when someone else spoils the mood. The feeling's like when you're trying to have sex with your partner, then suddenly their ex calls them up. It blows! lol.

jay:
Lol. glad I'm not the only one who thinks that. haha.

A true Virgo said...

true true.. it sucks to drive when everyone drives whatever way they wanna drive.. no rules and ways. In Dhaka, people drive like crazy.. no rules whatsoever.. :p. hehe.. quite a nice comparison you have.. funny :D