There are so many things we can learn from children. Children's mind are uncorrupted and innocent. But sometimes, I wonder, are they really that innocent or is it just an act to fool us adults? I could go on from here about government conspiracies on how they plan to brainwash the youth, but nah... I'll save that for some other day.

Lady's Fingers Make Good 'Elephant Tusks'

Ever wondered what kind of things you can stuff up your nose? I don't. Simply because when I was little, my mom caught me digging my nose. Not that it's wrong to dig your nose, but she was concerned about how much I was enjoying myself. There's only so much booger in your nose that you can dig out. I was digging my nose like as if there was more 'gold' to be found in my brains. So mom gave me a warning: "If you keep digging your nose like that, your nostrils will get bigger and one day you'll wake up with nostrils as big as a gorrila." I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm not one who's gonna take chances in trading my beauty with a gorilla.

A friend of mine works as a teacher at a prestigious primary school (read: where super rich parents send their spoilt offsprings to). He tells me about a kid named *Sam. *Sam is a 6 year-old kid full of imagination and he's pretty much as normal as a kid can be: mischievous, talkative, curious, eager to please and loves attention. But what sets him apart from the rest of the kids in his class is his amazing ability to test the flexibility of his nostrils. *Sam sat next to *Nick, who is vegetarian. And on that special day, *Nick had two lady's fingers in his lunch box. And when *Sam saw those two lady's fingers, his eyes lighted up like the 4th of July. Not because how much he loves lady's fingers but from what he sees in his mind: Elephant tusks.

This imagination alone is enough to set *Sam apart from the rest of the kids in his class. (If someone asked me what's the first thing that goes through my mind when I see lady's finger, it would be... GROSS!). But it was *Sam's next step that put him in a league of his own. He proceeded to stuff his nostrils with *Nick's lady's fingers... bottoms first! And with the tip of those lady's fingers protruding from each of his nostrils, he then turned to my friend,"Teacher, do I look like an elephant?"

Later that day, *Sam went to see my friend (minus his green elephant tusks). My friend was surprised to see that *Sam has a running nose. "Teacher, my nose is very itchy". Yeah, mine would too if I had lady's fingers up my nose.

Panties That Tells A Story

When I was a little girl, I had boring panties. They were either white, pink or blue. Nothing fancy. Sometimes I would have a picture of a flower or two on it, but that's as far as it goes. Oh boy, how time have changed. We now have panties that have stories printed on them. I'm not referring to those kinky liners on adult panties. I was referring to panties for little girls. The kid sister to a friend of mine has one with a story about a rabbit.

I can just imagine a girl pulling up her skirt, saying:"Hey boy, wanna read a story?" Btw, who the fuck makes these panties for kids anyway?

How To Glue Your Enemy's Hair

*Jenny and *Mark has hated each other since they kindergarden. It's no surprise really. *Mark has always been the bad boy of the class, while *Jenny, with her long lustrous hair, has always been the prim & proper kinda gal. *Jenny hates the way *Mark combs his hair (or rather, how he doesn't), and how his nails are hardly ever clean. *Mark thinks *Jenny should learn to relax a little bit more and he enjoys imitating *Jenny's behaviour.

One day in kindy, they were all told to gather around as the teacher wants to demonstrate to the class how to make a paper bird. Unintentionally, *Mark found himself standing behind *Jenny. *Mark gets slightly irritated at *Jenny as she went on and on to a girlfriend how easy it is to fold a paper bird. As if teasing him, *Jenny's long lustrous hair swings in slow mo, just like one of those Pantene ad.

So *Mark found his golden opportunity to get back at *Jenny. He stuck his finger up his nose, dug out whatever he could and wiped it on *Jenny's hair, just as he would with a cloth. *Jenny turned around and to her horror, she sees a flock of her beautiful hair in her nemesis' hand.

"Just what do you think you're doing?", she snapped at *Mark. "Oh, I was just admiring at how beautiful your hair is. I've never seen hair this beautiful before", he replied. As she turned, a smugged grin formed on sweet *Jenny's face. Just one small note: *Mark had a flu that day. Oh, if only *Jenny could've seen the smug on *Mark's face.

Vagina Juice: For That Extra Taste in Your Food!

I was still in primary school when I first heard this rumor from my seniors about a girl who masturbated with a carrot. Masturbating is perfectly normal. It's kinda weird to do it with a carrot, but hey, we were barely in our teens and it's hard to find a dildo at that age (take into consideration that this is a somewhat conservative country back then). But the reason why the rumor was so big back then was what *Cindy did with the carrot after she was done with it.

*Cindy's dad is a vegetarian and *Cindy's family has lived with this rule: Do Not Waste. So being the obedient child that she is, *Cindy put the carrot back on the table. Excited from her first experience of masturbating, she completely forgot to wash the carrot. That night, as he was chewing the carrot, *Cindy's dad kept saying,"This carrot tastes and smells different. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it reminds me of something". Yeah, it's pussy juice, fool.

(*names have been changed NOT because I want to protect their identities. But simply because I didn't get their names in the first place)

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